Why I am giving up on labels for my New Years Resolution

Five semesters ago I began my freshmen year of college. When I entered campus I was filled with expectations and hopes for the coming years. Much has changed since that fateful day that I first stepped out of the Chapel doors and walked over to the beckoning group of friends sitting in the grass. When I started college I was filled with ideas and refused to be held down by labels. I grew up in a world where labels were rarely used and my church was filled with people of all sorts of "labels", but it was as if they did not actually exist. A wise woman at my church once described my home church as the place that "labels" were taken off and hung on the coat rack until the end of the service.

So as I embarked on this journey to independence I began with only one label which was "Christian." That label alone has many positive and negative connotations with it and I spent many nights pondering if I should even call myself that. Some may ask if I was having a crisis of faith, but I would say quite the opposite. I knew fully well what I believed, but I was having a crisis of trying to label it. Should I call myself "Christ Follower"? "Peacemaker"? "Follower of the One True King"? "Nazarene"? Before college labels were nothing to me and I was able to embrace that, but now I began to wonder. I managed to survive my freshmen year with this mentality that I did not need a label and people would know who I was by my actions. This mentality is why one of my favorite age old hymns was They'll Know we are Christians by our Love. That is all that I wanted.

As I progressed in the academic world I quickly noted that labels were everywhere. People, including myself, were receiving scholarships for simply choosing the label "Nazarene." Connections were made based on what label you were. I soon learned that in order to survive in this world you needed to have certain labels. In order to gain one must embrace the labels they have always been given. I also noted that when arguments arose the label you had either reinforced the argument or killed it. I began rethinking this whole idea of labels, to which led to taking on labels that I thought defined myself.

Of course, I started with the basics: Christian and Nazarene. As I began to explore what I looked for in a Nazarene church I attached another label: Liturgical; meaning I felt that I best enjoyed liturgical worship services. As the year went on the election season approached and since I was at the age of voting a new label was added. Throughout the year I read more blogs, news articles, and theology books and began labeling myself based on views that I seemed to agree with. I started calling myself "Liberal", "Pacifist", "Independent", "Emergent", "Hippy", and so on. This list would only grow the more that I thought I could identify myself with a certain group or affiliation. The empty "label" slate was filling up by the minute with one new idea after another.

Then the questions arose. "Why are you this?" "Why aren't you that?" "Are you sure you are really that?" I began to realize that I did not often fully understand all the connotations that came with the labels I gave myself. I found that I was often confusing people on what my stances were. To some people I seemed liberal and to others I seemed mildly conservative. More often than not these labels required a lot of explaining. If people did not have the time to hear an explanation they would just create assumptions on what my labels meant. One evening as I was contemplating all of this it hit me. The labels we give ourselves create preconceived personas that others project on us. Whether or not they are accurate representations of ourselves, they are what people see with these labels. It was this realization that has brought me here today to record this decision.

I am giving up labels again.

This may be a challenge, but I am ready for the task. Instead of wearing myself down with all of these labels that describe who I am, I am going to let my actions do the talking. I am going to let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing unto the Lord. Not my labels, but my actions. I am a "Christian" because I follow Jesus Christ the true rightful King, I am a member of the "Nazarene" denomination, and my name is Tanner. Want to know about my beliefs? Talk to me and see what I do. I hope to overcome the negative connotations that arise from the label "Christian" and instead pray that you will know that I am a Christian by my love.

Tanner's Top 10 Fiction Books

As promised I will now write my "Top 10 Fiction books." This list may be more difficult because I have not read many fictions novels lately, but I used to read them all the time in high school. These are just 10 of my current favorites that I would recommend. So if you are looking for a good read, enjoy fiction novels, or just need a little taste of escapism, I hope one or all of these books can take you on an adventure that's worth your while.

1. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
This book was one that captured my attention so much I read it all in one day. I am typically a slow reader and this one made me literally not want to put it down.  The Fault in Our Stars is the story of Hazel Lancaster and Augustus Waters, two Indianapolis teenagers who meet at a Cancer Kid Support Group. It is a beautiful story that reminds you the beauty of living. I recommend this to anyone especially if you are new to John Green books or enjoy books in the YA section.

2. Paper Towns by John Green
This book was the fiction that got me reading fiction again. Near the end of my Senior year I had stopped reading fiction books almost entirely. I had a friend recommend and loan this book to me and as I began to flip through the pages I soon did not want to put it down. Paper Towns tells the story of Q and his girl-next-door crush, Margo Roth Spiegelman. After a spontaneous adventure night of revenge, Margo goes missing and Q believes she has left him clues to find her.  Urged down a disconnected path, the closer he gets, the less Q sees of the girl he thought he knew. This is a beautiful story of uncovering the true feelings of people underneath the paper lives that they live. I recommend this to anyone especially if you enjoy YA novels.

3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
As much as I enjoy the entire series, the 7th book is one of my all time favorites. It happens to be the only book that I currently own in the series, due to the fact that I was not allowed to read the series growing up. For those who have been living under a rock for the past 16 years or who have been banned from reading this series (Silly concept, since their parents likely did not read the series either and further more could not truly know what was in the books...) the Harry Potter series follows the life of Harry, a wizard, and his posse, Ron Weasley & Hermione Granger,  as they attend Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. As they uncover the secrets of Hogwarts they embark on many adventures on a quest to defeat the evil Lord Voldemort. I have chosen the Deathly Hallows as my favorite in the series because it is the final one that ties everything up. I also enjoy it for the Christian illustrations that can be seen all throughout the book. I recommend this book to anyone who has read the first 6 and enjoys a good YA fantasy.

4. The Gandalara Cycle Volumes 1&2  by Randall Garrett and Vicki Ann Heydron 
For this next recommendation I present a 7 book series, however I recommend them all as one because the books are so short (around 100 pages a piece, with the final book being 300 pages) they could equal the length of a decent sized book. I found that the Wikipedia description of the series puts it perfectly: "Ricardo Carillo, an aging language professor with a terminal illness, is flirting with a captivating young woman on a Mediterranean cruise ship. They both watch with wonder, and a growing horror, as a dazzlingly beautiful star quickly grows to engulf the sky and then crashes into the ship. Ricardo awakens in a blinding hot desert, with no idea where he is and a dead man by his side.Without knowing how or why, Ricardo finds himself inhabiting the body of a strong, healthy, young man named Markasset. Ricardo quickly learns that Markasset is wanted for murder and the theft of a precious and powerful gemstone, the Ra'ira. Ricardo has only a smattering of Markasset's memories, and no idea if he is guilty or innocent. But with the help of a giant warcat named Keeshah, with whom he shares a telepathic bond, and the beautiful illusionist, Tarani, Ricardo sets out on a quest to recover the missing gemstone and clear his new name. I recommend this great scifi to anyone who enjoys a good adventure book and especially to those beginning to broaden their horizon's from YA books.

5. Blink of an Eye by Ted Dekker
Throughout my high school years I read many of Ted Dekker's books because they all fascinated me. He always seemed to have different ways of getting you to think. This particular book presented a great way to view the future. The story tells the tale of how a certified genius, Seth, is given the ability to see the future by God, but the future is not what we would think it to be. When Seth sees the future he does not see one set in stone future, he sees all the possible futures that could happen based on each choice he could make and he is left to choose which one he wants. After discovering this power, Seth meets Miriam, a runaway Saudi Arabian Princess whose fleeing a forced marriage. With this new found ability Seth helps Miriam find protection from those who are trying to recapture her. I recommend this book to anyone who enjoys a good adventure novel.

6 Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Set in a dystopian future, Fahrenheit 451 tells of a world where books are outlawed and firemen are those who are required to burn any that they find. In the beginning of the novel we meet Guy Montag, a fireman, and one night on his way back from work he meets Clarisse McClellan a teenage girl whose free-thinking ideals and liberating spirit cause him to question his life and perceptions. Bradbury created a prophetic world with a message that we may need to hear today in our disconnected world. I read this book in a political fiction class my senior year of high school and I would recommend it to anyone.

7. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
Those who know me, know that I am one who hates sad stories; yet there is something about this tale that captivates me. This is the beautiful story of two friends, Lennie and George, who are displaced migrant ranch workers who are in search of job opportunities during the Great Depression.  This is a great book for those who enjoy the classics. I find this to be a great book for teenagers and adults alike to read, I would not recommend it to children, though it may be an easy read, due to the language throughout it.

8. 1984 by George Orwell
In stark contrast to Aldous Huxley's Brave New World (which I would recommend, but it's not a Top Ten), 1984 presents a dystopian society where there is an omnipresent government known as Big Brother, public mind control, and a very strict, oppressive political party that persecutes all individualism and independent thinking which is defined as thoughtcrimes. The protagonist is Winston Smith, a member of the Outer-party who works in re-writing past newspaper articles and secretly dreams of rebelling against Big Brother. I recommend this book to anyone who enjoys dystopian novels.

9. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
This is the 3rd and final book in the Hunger Games trilogy and yet it is my favorite book of the three. Often times I have heard that this is the least favorite of people, so that is why I wanted to recommend it. Though it is incredibly different than the former books, it ties up everything very nicely and does a great job at showing the atrocity of violence in the world. This series tells the tale of Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark the two "star-crossed lovers" who survived the Hunger Games and started a rebellion against the corrupt government known as, The Capital. I especially enjoy this book for the back stories on the characters all throughout the book. I recommend this book to anyone who reads the first two books and enjoys a good YA dystopian novel.

10.  Reflex by Steven Gould
Author of Jumper and Helm, Steven Gould has become one of my favorite Science Fiction authors. After reading Helm and then seeing the movie for Jumper I had to Gould's two part series on teleportation. Reflex is the exciting sequel to Jumper (which the movie completely changed) which tells the story of David Rice, a man who learns that he was born with the ability to teleport places. The first novel centers around David trying to come to terms with the fact that he is what they call a Jumper and that there is a group of people who want him dead. Reflex however picks up on his life where he is happily married and working for a National Security Agency on jobs that he finds to be morally acceptable. Early on in the novel, David is captured by a powerful criminal organization that has found a way to contain Jumpers. The novel jumps between David's life as a captive and his wife Millie's adventure to save him as she discovers that she's gained the ability to jump. I recommend this book to anyone who likes science fiction and anyone who reads Jumper first. You do not have to see the movie and I even recommend that you do not compare the movie to the book in any way, shape, or form.

These are 10 of my top favorite fiction novels. These 10 were incredibly hard to choose and there are many more I could include on this list. I hope you enjoy the adventures that these novels will take you on. If I mentioned a book that is the final book in the series I hope that you will read the whole series and not just the book I mentioned.  

Grace & Peace.

Tanner's Top 10 Non-Fiction Books

Many of my friends and colleagues that know me well know that I try to be very well read. My room contains a large bookshelf that is filled and I also have three shelves filled with books. I have developed a "library system" of sorts so that I can loan out my books to others. Along with that, I am often asked by friends for book recommendations and so as the year comes to an end I've decided to give a "Top 10 non-fiction books I would recommend for the new year." These books aren't in any specific order, but are simply books that I would recommend. 

1. A Year of Biblical Womanhood: How a Liberated Woman Found Herself Sitting on Her Roof, Covering Her Head, and Calling Her Husband "Master" by Rachel Held Evans

I recently had the privilege of reading this book and more often than not I found myself exclaiming, "amen" to the book. I find this book to be very enjoyable and informative on what it means for women to be "biblical." I would recommend this to men and women alike especially those who are tired of hearing "women should be silent". Overall this was a book that reminded me that importance of women all throughout scripture and is a great reminder to everyone that men and women are equal. I recommend this to all who want an enjoyable read. 

2. Simply Christian: Why Christianity makes sense by N.T. Wright 

At the end of this past summer I had the privilege of reading this book. For those who enjoyed Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis this was a 21st century look on what it means to be Christian. If you ever need a way to best explain this way of Jesus to a postmodern world, this is the key book to read. It's engaging to readers and helps even age old Christians get a fresh look at Christianity. 

3. Love Wins: a book about heaven, hell, and the fate of every person who ever lived by Rob Bell

I read this book my freshmen year of college and since then it has been one of my favorites. Rob does a brilliant job at asking the tough questions that people seem too afraid to tackle. I feel Rob's website description of the book describes it well, "Rob Bell addresses one of the most controversial issues of faith—the afterlife—arguing, would a loving God send people to eternal torment forever…? With searing insight, Bell puts hell on trial, and his message is decidedly hopeful—eternal life doesn't start when we die; it starts right now. And ultimately, Love Wins." So instead of jumping on the bandwagon of what people have told you, pick up a book, and read for yourself. 

4. Love Does: discover a secretly incredible life in an ordinary world by Bob Goff

This past January I spent a month in the country of Belize and I could not have picked a more fitting book. Goff is an inspiring and incredible man who does not just talk about life, but he actually lives life. Love is so much more than a thought or idea it is something that we were intended to do. Love Does tells beautiful stories of what can happen when we love in our actions. I have never met someone who had disliked Goff's book. I recommend this to everyone who can read. 

5. Blue like Jazz: Nonreligious thoughts on Christian Spirituality by Donald Miller 

I had the privilege of reading this book near the end of my freshmen year and I could not put it down. Miller tells stories from his life to show that God is still present and moving in our postmodern world in ways that we might never have guessed. It is a fresh, lively perspective on life, love, and redemption. I suggest you read it to find out why Don says, "I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened." I recommend this to anyone. 

6. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Own Life by Donald Miller

Upon reading Blue like Jazz I highly recommend reading Don's follow up book. I read this book on my adventurous summer working for the Non-profit YouthWorks and decided it is a great book especially for those in the twenty something's range. Don explores what it means to create a good story for your own life. Read about Miller's life as he edits it and reinvents his life while providing ways for you to reinvent yours. I recommend this book to anyone who are trying to figure out what to do with their lives. 

7. The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne 

This is one of the most inspirational books I have ever read. Though there are moments that Shane goes farther than I would, he has become one that I see Jesus in and hope that I could be like one day. Shane tells his stories of communal living, serving under mother Teresa, starting up a non-profit known as the simple way, feeding and living with the homeless, and striving to live as a peacemaker for Christ. This is an inspirational book on changing the world with little acts of love. I recommend this book to all. 

8. Insurrection: To Believe Is Human To Doubt, Divine by Peter Rollins

This book has been monumental in my philosophical thinking. Written by a Christian, postmodern, philosopher which there are few of. Rollins explores what it truly means to doubt. Rollins is less concerned on discussing life after death and more concerned on life before death. Amazon describes this conquest by saying, "In order to unearth this truth, Rollins prescribes a radical and wholesale critique of contemporary Christianity that he calls pyro-theology. It is only as we submit our spiritual practices, religious rituals, and dogmatic affirmations to the flames of fearless interrogation that we come into contact with the reality that Christianity is in the business of transforming our world rather than offering a way of interpreting or escaping it. Belief in the Resurrection means but one thing: Participation in an Insurrection." I was blown away by this book and it really challenged me to work towards transforming the world for Christ. I recommend this book to Christians who feel they are strong in their faith.

9. Why Did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed Cross the Road?: Christian Identity in a Multi-Faith World by Brian McLaren
We live in a very blended culture filled with many religions. It can be hard discerning, as Christians, how we should interact with other religions. Having read the short story prequel, the girl with the dove tattoo, I decided to give this book a try. It is a wonderful look at how we should treat others in other religions. McLaren presents many personal stories and examples on what we should do. He proposes a new faith alternative, one built on "benevolence and solidarity rather than rivalry and hostility." I felt McLaren beautifully shows us how to better live Christ-like lives with those around us. I recommend this book to all.

10. Velvit Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith by Rob Bell

My list would not be complete without one of the very first theology books I have ever read. I may have read ones before this, but this book is what got me reading others. This was a great look at theology and how many follow a form of Christianity called "Brickianity" and how we should instead treat Christianity like a trampoline with many springs that hold it up. Bell is well-versed in Jewish teachings and draws from rabbinic wisdom and stories freely. If all that is not enough, also know that it is an easy book for anyone to read. So even if you don't enjoy Love Wins I would greatly recommend you try out this book. 

Well those are my top ten non-fiction books for the new year. I hope that at least one of these books leaves an impact on you. As you read them I pray you will have an open mind that is willing to learn from these great authors. You may not agree with everything they say, but you might still get great insight from them. 

Next blog post: "Tanner's Top Ten Fiction Books."

Let me tell you about my Brother...

In the midst of the week before finals, as I write a 12 page topical paper on the word "Light", I have decided it was time to take a break and reward myself with a blog post. As I was writing about how we are called to bring Jesus' light to the world, I felt it was very fitting for today. As I awoke today I was reminded of a man who always seems to bring light into the room even though I never would have expected this of him when we first met. It all started in the latter part of my high school career.

It was a typical youth group night when we noticed that someone new had entered our community. At first glance one would see a tall, skinny, camouflage-clad, unshowered, young man who teeth and nails appeared to have avoided the sink. Then he opened his mouth and what appeared to be words came out. I could hardly tell what he was saying except for the occasional explicit word. We learned his name was Travis and he was 22, although his mental capacity was hardly that. As a good youth group we welcomed him in, while keeping a eye on him. Mid-lesson, he got up and left unexpectedly.

As the weeks progressed, I began to see him at Sunday morning services and around the town. We, as the church, slowly found out more and more about this mysterious young man. We learned that he lived with an unnamed relative in town and that the town had, for the most part, showered him with love; giving him rides to places whenever he needed. Pretty soon it became a common occurrence to look outside the window and see Travis driving his imaginary bicycle around the church and our yard. The more he attended our church, the more his language got better and the more we could understand him.

After awhile Travis started calling my Father "Papa" and my siblings and I "Brother" and "Sister", which went from a weird interaction to an expectant loving remark. Then when we had our Vacation Bible School and I was dressed as a crazy figure for the children, Travis felt the need to follow me around and tell me he wanted to be like me. Travis wanted to be a super hero like his brother. He followed me so close, he even followed me to the urinal adjacent to mine. Awkward as it was, this was the beginning of a very close friendship. As the weeks progressed we learned that Travis loved our church because we didn't kick him out like that "explicit word church did." As the Pastor's family we would all sit in very front row and Travis started joining us up front like he was one of us; a part of our family. I still remember, with tears near my eyes, looking over and seeing Travis with his eyes closed and hands raised singing praises to God in his very broken English. I remember looking over to my Father, motioning over to Travis, and saying "This is the Kingdom of God, this is what it's all about!"

As the end of my high school approached, I stopped seeing Travis as often. By the time that I went off to college I had not seen him for awhile; however when I returned home for break I was greeted at the door one day by Travis. He had come to drop off a t-shirt that he got for me. I have no idea where he got it, what he did to get it, but it said "Yahweh: When the World says No way, we say Yahweh." It was a beautiful representation of Travis. I have not seen him this past year and I am not sure where he is, but I know that whenever I do see him, I see Jesus in Him. So today, I wear this t-shirt in honor of my dear friend Travis.

I hope and pray that everyone can experience a Travis sometime in their life.  To end this post, I am reminded of when Christmas Eve of my Senior Year approach and while many were taking family pictures, Travis joined the Risser family for our family picture. I will forever remember Travis as one of my brothers; I am not from a family of 8, I am from a family of 9.

It's time for men to step up.

Around 7 years ago I saw the movie Taken for the first time and it introduced an entire new world to me. This world was not a happy world and it was not a fictional world. This world was the world of human trafficking. Every day countless vulnerable men, women, and children all over the world are being exploited in many ways. This very fact breaks my heart because not all of these individuals have Liam Neison as their father who is going to run to their rescue. Not all of these victims have even the slightest bit of hope that they will ever see true love. A simple action movie introduced me to this idea.

Then a few years later a friend introduced me to a non-profit known as Love146 (www.love146.org) which is dedicated to helping prevent, rescue, and provide rehab for victims of human trafficking. I immediately fell in love with this organization, which was not faith-based but many of the workers were followers of Christ. This fact showed me that people of others faiths were more than willing to become involved in this issue. They showed me that slavery is a universal injustice, not just a Christian one. They also showed me hope and gave me a face to this injustice. They talk of a time where they went undercover to a brothel to plan a raid to save the victims. They walked into a dark room that led to a window where one could be shown all the little girls for sale and they noticed that they all had a number attached to them. Not only that, but they noticed that all these girls had lost all their hope and if you looked into their eyes you saw despair alone. All the girls watched cartoons with sorrow filled faces. Then among all this hopelessness they noticed one girl in a red dress among them that still had a flair of hope and fight in her eyes. This girl had not given up yet, and this girl is where they got their name. For the number attached to this hopeful young girl was 146.

Then Spring of my freshmen year I expressed my interest in stopping human trafficking to some friends in my classes. One day one of these friends introduced me to a documentary entitled Nefarious: Merchant of Souls (www.nefariousdocumentary.com) which was put together by the International House of Prayer (IHOP). After much discussion and a viewing of the documentary we felt a need to show it to our campus. This passionate friend went to the professor in charge of the social justice small group and many emails later we had our event set up. It was a Tuesday night on campus without offering a chapel credit. We had over 200 show up that night to watch this documentary of those working to save victims, of traffickers who have found Christ, and all the other redemptive ways that God has worked in human trafficking and continues to work. This showing inspired the neighboring college (Kenyan college) to have a showing of the documentary which spread the word even farther in our small college town.

Then after a long rut of talking about human trafficking but not doing much about it, I got a Facebook invitation for a Women At Risk (www.warinternational.org) event at a local baptist church. I immediately planned out that time in my calendar to attend for this was exactly the kind of event I needed to remind myself of my passions for stopping this injustice. To celebrate the first 2 months of my relationship with my girlfriend we attended this event of shopping for a cause and then hearing the President of WAR speak. Becky McDonald spoke about growing up in Pakistan and experiencing people she knew going through these very issues. Becky showed us how much we need to be involved in stopping this injustice and how hard it can be. She told us a story of Sweetie. A baby who is being raised in a brothel, inside a box, tied to a pole with a red cord. This young girl is being raised to not know what real love is like. Becky shared about her struggle and journey in trying to save this girl. She asked for prayer that we can give Sweetie a new red cord...a red cord like the one outside of Rahab's window...one that shows she is a part of God's family.

Throughout all these events, especially tonight there is one thing I noticed. The amount of men at these events is lacking. At every one of these events women quickly flock to rise up, but there are hardly men. Tonight at the WAR event as I looked around the only men there besides me where 3-4 middle-aged and elderly men with their wives. There was no one in the millennial generation. There were no single guys there. Why is that? Why are guys not stepping up and getting involved in this cause? We need a generation of men to rise up and become involved in stopping this injustice. This tragedy is not a gender issue, it is an issue for all. Male, Female, Transgender. We must all unite and work towards ending this slavery. We have ended one form of slavery before so we can do this again. We just need men to step up and join women in this fight. As a man, I challenge my gender to make ourselves known as those who fight this injustice instead of being viewed as the "bad guys" involved in it.

Become Involved. Pray for Sweetie. MEN RISE UP.

Awake

"I want to travel the world and see so many places!" "Then do it!" "I don't have any money..." "Well then get a job and work until you do. If you have these passions, go out and live life." "I don't want to get a job...that would make me too busy in life." She concluded as she sat back down to enjoy the latest romantic comedy that she had rented. I have had many conversations like this with people.

"I want to write a book one day." "Then write one!" "No, I don't have time and I don't think people will read my writings...maybe one day though." He said as he returned to reading his favorite author. I have said these very words many, many times.

How often in our lives do we do this? How often do we dream of living a better life, but convince ourselves that we cannot live up to that? How often do we think that one day in the far off future we will be able to finally live out those dreams? Why is it that we think our dreams will be handed to us on a silver platter? Why is it that we wait around until things seem to feel right? What is it that we are missing out on by not living in the now? By not pursuing those dreams and passions right now? If we are truly passionate about something shouldn't we want to do whatever it takes to live that dream? Or is that all this generation is: a bunch of dreamers who don't live?

Recently, Ted Dekker and Tosca Lee wrote a book series entitled the Mortal trilogy. I have not had the privilege of reading them yet, but to my knowledge they tell of a world where people are dead and do not realize it. Where all emotions except for fear have been eliminated and so people do not live out passions and dreams because they no longer exist. Then in this story, I am told the main character discovers there is an Order that has vials of blood that will awaken people to emotions. That it will awaken people to truly live again. Thus ensues this grand adventure to awaken the world from being dead. (Deepest apologies to any inaccuracies to the book).

At first glance when one hears of a book trilogy like that they may think: Wow what a great dystopia, it's a good thing we aren't like that. But I would like to ask, are we like this? Do we get caught up in fear that we do not live out our dreams? Or even more frightening do we get caught up in our comfort that we do not truly live? Do we need an Order of Christians to remind people why Christ came? To awaken us to be people who live?

God empowered us with His Spirit to go out and do incredible things in His name. To further His kingdom in a variety of different ways. God gave us passions to direct how we, specifically, would build His kingdom. By not enacting these passions, by not following our dreams, are cheating God? Do we have the audacity to say that God's gifts through passions aren't good enough and we shouldn't be so idealistic? Or should we do whatever we can to live out these dreams all for God's glory?

Now, when reading this it could be easy to think I am talking about simply one's vocation. Those thinking that may argue, "Not everyone has a passion for a particular vocation. Not everyone feels a calling." To that argument, I would agree. That is why I am not talking about vocation. I am talking about the things you want to do with your life. What you want to be known for. What you desire to do. By living out these dreams with God leading you, you are truly living life.

So, my challenge is that we would stop saying what we want to do one day, but that we would work to do that in the here and now. Will it take time to enact these dreams? Sure, but the time we invest in preparation will make the dream all the more worth it. The point here is not to rush through preparation, but to encourage people to actually get up and figure out what they need to do to live out these dreams. To choose to live and then act on that.

"Awake O' Sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will give you light." -Ephesians 5:14b

The gift of presence.

"Let's try to make the game more difficult by adding in more to hit." Garrett excitingly suggested as we played our makeshift version of Fooseball in the upper room of a small pizza joint. It had been our 2nd official hangout night with Garrett after watching him play in the marching band for the football game. Garrett has just begun junior high and really only has one friend, Corey, due to being homeschooled and being rather shy. Not only that, but Garrett has a mild case of asbergers syndrome which I have rarely dealt with. Corey, the most extroverted person I have ever met, sees Garrett for who he really is and has been looking out for him in band. Corey however is Mormon, so Garrett is the only student over 6th grade who attends our church. 

As an intern at the church I have even been tasked with building up a youth ministry beginning with relational tasks with Garrett and his friends. This task seemed daunting at first, but the more I have talked with Garrett the more receptive he has become. Our first outing after his game was to Taco Bell and one could see he felt that Corey overpowered his talking and he had to warm up to us. This pizza joint was our second time together and he was so warmed up to us that he made sure to point out when his next home game was. It did not take us long after we finished our pizzas to rush upstairs to compete in Fooseball.

 Once we arrived we quickly saw the ball was missing and when I was ready to just give up, Garrett improvised and showed us what we could use for a replacement ball.  This led to many stylized and unique games of Fooseball. I've been learning in the end youth ministry is about walking with students in their life events and giving them the gift of presence. But you do not just give them the gift of presence, they return it. When you and your students are fully present with each other it creates a trust that should continue to grow. Programs are much needed and very beneficial, but at the end of the day if no one in your group feels loved then your programs have not done what they were created to do. I would like to end by sharing that I am learning so much from the mind of my friend Garrett that I hope to take what I am learning with me once I go into other ministries in my life journey. 

Disclaimer: this is a true event, the names for the teenagers have been changed for privacy for themselves. 

Life is an adventure

There are times in our lives when everything seems to fall into place: like this past extended weekend when my family not only met, but also enjoyed the company of my girlfriend back home. Then there are times when life likes to make you jump and there's two ways to look at it: is it part of the adventure or is it a horrible distraction? Tonight's events I like to think of as an adventure with one I hold dear. I had been driving back to school for about 4 and 1/2 hours when all of a sudden all the car lights went off except for one that said "oil" and the one around the car battery...then I was not able to speed up either, so I carefully maneuvered the vehicle into a side ditch, in the middle of nowhere, to figure out the problem. While we were trying to figure out who to call, we encountered three things. First the guy who lived across the street from where we were came over and asked if we were okay, then a cop pulled over and asked if we were okay and what had happened, then he questioned why I, someone from PA, was traveling in OH so late at night. These two guys did not do much to help us, but the fact that they showed they cared meant a lot to my interpersonal, connected personality. Then as we waited for a tow truck, two cops pulled someone over in front of us and we were pretty sure that it was a drug bust. Three run ins with people on this road: two good and one worrisome, very much like life. At this point we locked ourselves in the car and started waiting for the tow and calling for rides all the while discussing as pacifists how we wished we had guns with us for protection. Once the calling began, I felt it would be a great idea to call my friend Dick, and ask for a ride since we had helped him when he broke down. He told me he could come get us, but wasn't familiar with the area so we should call someone else, even though we were only half an hour away from school. This showed me that there will be people who as much as I invest in their lives, they will not be reliable in my own life. This is not what I would desire, but it is what it is. Then I called several people and finally called one of my apartment mates who was willing to come and pick us up. It was a blessing to know which friends have manners and who I can rely on and it was a very eventful way to end my fall break. This is what I get for wishing that my life had more experiences for stories. 

Becoming Fully Human Again

I have recently had the privilege to read through the book Created to Worship: God's invitation to become fully human by Brent Peterson for one of my classes this semester and it is very insightful on what worship truly is. For one of our first assignments we were prompted to post a forum discussion using the first 5 chapters to answer the question Why do we Worship and how do we worship as Christians. What follows below is my response to that question which I think is important for all of us to wrestle with since it is our calling as humans to worship God. 

It is important to talk about why we worship because so often worship becomes the central reason why people leave churches. Oftentimes when people leave you can hear responses such as “I thought it was too traditional.” Or “I didn’t feel emotionally moved by the worship set.” Whatever it is people tend to want to worship according to their preferences of music and how things are done. This should be addressed because worship is so much more than that. As Peterson say, “while a worship service must be familiar to each local context, there is a profound idolatry at work when I can only worship when the church’s worship is what I want, what I am comfortable with, or what I am used to” (21). I could not agree more and I believe it is easy to fall into this idolatry because we live in such an individualistic, instant-gratification world where we are told that we should have all of our needs met. That is so detrimental to the plan that God had for us.

God created us, humans, in his image to worship him. God is a triune God and so he is relational, which means as his image bearers we ought to be relational. This individualistic society and even preferences in worship are not a part of his plan; for how are we being image bearers of a 3-in-1 God when we are so focused on ourselves in an act that God desires us to do? When we tear away from this individualistic approach and view worship as a communal act we are living the way God intended, for as Peterson says “To glorify God literally imagines God’s love shining between human faces and finally back to God” (24).  When we are in community, loving God and each other, and inviting people into God’s grand story we are partaking in Christian worship.

Along with our call to communal love, Peterson tells us that “God’s Breath is the very thing that sustains all living creatures” (42). This is shown evident in Genesis 1 when God breathes into the dust to create man; because of God’s breathe we should worship him for without him we would be nothing. It is also God’s Breath through the Spirit that gathers us together to be the church and then breathes us out to go and spread the hope and joy of God’s mission in the world. When we gather together communally and then go out to spread the message we are worshipping God by being who we were intended to be. So to worship effectively as Christians we need to be willing to leave the boundaries of our church building and be the church which is “called to participate in God’s further healing in all the places the Spirit blows the church” (44). 

Junior Year: Intentional Community

Two years have passed and yet another has just begun at this great campus that I have grown to call home. It is only the second week and already I have been filled with ideas, passions, and great memories that will only continue to build as the year progresses. From the first week, training to be a small group leader, I felt a call to minister to the local community here this year. How often do college students go through college staying in their little "bubble" of campus and neglecting the neighborhood that surrounds them? Or how often do we take the opposite approach and focus our entire thoughts and actions on leaving the country and getting away from here? Why is it that college students seem to have a problem with being content with where they are? Now I know this is a general statement, but overall when people are in college it's always for something else: to get that much needed degree, to climb the ladder of success, to get that dream job, the fill up their resume, to prepare themselves to leave. Whatever their reason for being in college is, it is likely not to help the community flourish. Why is that? How much better could we make the world if we focused on the community we were living in for the 4-5 years that we are there? I feel called to get to know the neighborhood, visit the farmers market, help support the local economy, and do what I can to minister here. If we, as college students, are going to be living in an area for a select number of years the least we can do is help usher in Gods kingdom to that community through our acts of love, simplicity, and sustainability.

It could be easy to read the above calling and assume I am going to invest all my time in the community and neglect campus life to fulfill that passion; however that is simply not the case. Like everything in life there has to be a fine balance and order to how you do things even if your personality is one that dislikes routine. As important as it is to invest and support your local community it is also important to support the campus you attend which is what I will be doing. When I go into work in the mornings I go in with a positive attitude hoping to show love to those that I come in contact with. When I hang out with friends I am intentional about what we do and talk about. When I ask professors how they are doing I genuinely want to know more than the typical "great" answer. There are so many ways that one can invest in their community and really get to know the people you are living with; but it all has to do with being intentional. Once a week my apartment has decided to have "Bro Time" at a set time and place; not because we all love routine--because we don't--but because we want to be intentional about growing together as we live communally.

I share these thoughts not to show off my calling or all the "great" things that I have done, but to show examples of how I think the college years can effectively be done. I know, as I am prone to mistakes, that there are many other ways to fully embrace your communities while you are in college. I also believe there are some ways that may work better for some people over others. When we are living our lives whether it is in college or not, we need to ask ourselves if we want to live lives of love that promote simplicity, community, and sustainability or apathetic lives that promote consumerism and individualism. As I journey on in my college life I hope to reflect this life of love, simplicity, and sustainability with each relationship I develop.

Thoughts from an Emergent Christian...

Since the early years of my college career and even the ending years of my high school one I have identified myself in the camp of Postmodern and Emergent among other labels that tend to follow suit with those two. Often times as I have progressed in my walk many have wondered why I call fall under such labels, especially the Postmodern and Emergent ones; these questions often lead to more questions on what is Postmodernism or what is the emergent church? Which very early on in my life I have realized these are not simple, easy answers. In fact I think the fact that postmodernism is not defined by a simple, trite sentence is a very postmodern answer. So I would find myself in situations where I would decide it best to explain my own personal beliefs and whether or not they decide to label that postmodern or emergent was up completely those listening. 

Recently, however, I stumbled upon a book in a local Ollies entitled Hipster Christianity: When church and Cool Collide by Brett Mccracken and as cheesy as the title sounded there was a part of it that enticed me. As I began to shift through the pages I began to see phrases that I had been prone to say flash out at me, then as I took a deeper look I realized this guy knew what he was talking about. This book was not just some cheesy attempt to look at many who fall under the label of "christian hipster" but it actually revealed a lot of insight about my generation that I would attest to being true, at least in that particular subculture. All this to say, as I was reading through this book, I stumbled upon a section where the author had put 7 key assertions of the emergent movement that is meant to be a brief summary of the movement. I have found this section to be one that lines up with some of my own beliefs so I am sharing it in the hopes to portray why I identify myself with this movement, whether or not the label "emergent" is dying out.

"Seven Key Assertions of the Emergent Movement: Excerpt from Brett Mccracken"

1. Modernism is lame: In the first place, and above all, emerging is a response to modernism. It is postmodern (more or less). Emergents contend that modernity has set the church off track, which has, among other things, turned the Christian faith into little more than an "x+y=z" ticket to heaven. Christianity is bigger and more complex than the self-help, "this is how you can live your life best now," cosmic ATM that modern evangelicalism sometimes makes it out to be. It can't be understood in one prayer or in forty days of purpose, they say. Jesus simply cannot be domesticated...the emerging church disdains rigid, systematized ways of looking at things...emergents suggest that modernism is too analytical, too trusting of science and rationality, too arrogant in the face of a world that seems to always end up being more mysterious and powerful than our intellects can comprehend...

2. Christianity is edgier and less safe than most people think: ...Emerging church leaders felt strongly that Christianity--the things Jesus did and called Christians to do--is way more dangerous and edgy and countercultural than recent church history would suggest. As a result, the prevailing tone of most emerging rhetoric is decidedly provocative and prone to hyperbolic statements meant more to shock people out of their comfort zones than anything else. Every emergent leader has a cadre of one-liners that typically blast the establishment church in some strongly worded manner.

3. The Church Gets in the way of the Gospel: ...for emergents, the church today embarrasses them because it is irrelevant, out of touch, and busy answering questions that no one is really asking. It has a reputation for being hateful, bigoted, stodgy, legalistic, and lame. But above all, emergents argue, Christianity is getting the gospel wrong.

4. Dialogue and Conversation are better than argumentation and apologetics: the emergent church emphasizes community and relationships. The church, emergents argue, should never have turned into such an individualistic pursuit wherein the most important thing is one's solitary decision to convert and follow Christ. On the contrary, the church is called into community and away from individualism. It should be about relationship and dialogue with one another rather than theologizing our ways into heaven by way of our own individual cognitive devices...when emergents dialogue, they don't think in terms of winning and losing. They value the process above all, the community based pursuit of a new understanding of God.  Their broader view of theology reflects this: it is not fixed or static but rather localized and fluid. They love talking theologically, but their theology is malleable and context-specific. Everything they say invites debate and should be discussed, all for the benefit of learning together and sharing openly whatever convictions, uncertainties, or doubts one may have. They sometimes call this a "humble hermeneutic."

5. Story and Narrative are better than Propositions and Systems: ...Emergents are highly suspicious of systematic theology. God did not reveal a systematic theology, they argue; he revealed a storied narrative. As Scot McKnight puts it, the emerging movement tends to believe that, rather than a systematic theology being the final word, theology is rather more like an ongoing conversation about "the Truth, who is God in Christ through the Spirit, and about God's story of redemption at work in the church."

6. Binaries are too Simplistic: Emergents do not like binaries. The idea that something must be this or that, and cannot be both, troubles them. A great fault of modern Christianity, they argue, lies in its emphases on certain binaries: in vs. out, sacred vs. secular, good vs. evil, and so on. Though in truth, binaries may sometimes exist, they are never as black and white as modernity makes them out to be. Thus, while many emergents acknowledge a distinction between Christian and non-Christian, they are very reticent to assume any sort of final judgment as to how or where we can draw such a distinction. Their emphasis is not on who is saved or unsaved, in or out, but rather on the transforming power of the gospel for everyone.

7: What we do is more important than what we think or say: One final assertion of the emerging church--and a very important one-- is the idea that praxis (the living out, daily embodiment) of Christianity should be as ore more important than the way we think or even talk about it. How do we live out the gospel? What does the church look like in practice? These are important questions for emergents. For the emergent church, the proclamation of the gospel must always be accompanied by the living of it. It's not enough to just say "Christ is risen." We must live in such a way that demonstrates this life-altering fact. A major outgrowth of this idea is the missional movement...


I am sure there are many more assertions and definitions of one who is emergent, but that is the brief summary that I have wanted to share. Reading a majority of that felt like I was reading my own thoughts put into paper. Many in my own generation (and others) have felt and acted in these emergent ways, however, just because someone is a millenial, does not mean that they are or will become emergent. I hope to help give clarity to those who wonder what I believe and why. 

But at the end of the day, despite all of these, my hope is to be known as someone who loves God and loves People through my actions in all that I do. These are simply the thoughts from a man made from dust.

And now we process...

Beep, Beep, Beep! 6:30 AM time to get up...The creaking of the shuttle up to the Arch...the sizzle of the taco meat every Tuesday...The 80 acres of smells...the community of STL...all gone.

I am now sitting back in my families home in PA, after an amazing summer working with YouthWorks! The last two weeks in STL were some of the craziest weeks, yet I was reminded constantly how God's grace is sufficient and helped us through. We had to deal with the tragedies of losing our site director, adjusting to a new Utility staff, adjusting to staff members from Cairo, IL, and finishing out our last weeks with participants. This entire summer was filled with grace and crazy late nights, but in the end it reminded me why I want to go into youth ministry. Every night when I would give my talks I just felt confident and empowered with what I shared and it was even more encouraging to hear and see the impact it left on some the teenagers. Every Sunday when we would start at 4PM and every weekday starting at 6:30AM was worth it. Everything we did, saw, and experienced was more than worth it. I saw God move in STL and I know that as the great song says, great things are yet to come to this city.

As our last group left everything quickly came to an end. We finished cleaning the church, our summer home, and all drove off to Nashville for that Saturday evening. As I drove into the city of country music, listening to country, I contemplated all that I had experienced that summer: from Ms. Nadine Rice and her amazing compassion for others to Martha Rice & New Life Evangelistic Center to the bonding that my team and I experienced, they are all memories that I never want to forget. As I was dwelling on these memories I kept thinking that I do not want these to simply be memories. I want to stay connected with my team, to stay connected with STL, and to let the journey continue. To be exploring ways to serve God and others in my own communities that I live just as I taught each of the youth every single week this summer. I pray God will continue to guide me in loving others to do amazing things.

After spending the evening with our Area in Nashville, we drove another 3 hours to arrive back in Birmingham, AL. Here we had what we called Exit RAMP (Regional Area Mission Prep) where we all got to debrief, worship together, and receive a bunch of free Youth Specialties & Youth Works gifts. It was a fun time to relax after a long, exhausting (yet worth it) summer and then Monday night we all said goodbye, hoping and wishing that we would one day reconnect with each other. Bright and early Tuesday morning, I left for the airport and got to say one last goodbye to some of my team because there were YW staff all over the airport waiting to board.

I have now been home for a day and half and it feels so weird. Half of my family met me at the airport with signs in hand and asked me a little about the summer, but then just returned back to every day life. It is the weirdest situation going from constant ministry to feeling like there is nothing to do. To avoid feelings of nothingness & boredom, I am working at my mother's daycare school age program, but even that is a weird transition from working with teenagers. I know after awhile I will gradually shift back into routine, but until that happens it will be hard. I went from constantly being affirmed of my calling and getting hands on experience to 20 days of being at home and working at a daycare. I pray that God will show me how He is using me here in this small town as well. As I am processing my summer there is one thing I know for sure, spending my summer doing Youth Works made it one of the best summer's of my entire life and I hope to do it again next year; but until then I will be ready for whatever adventure God has next for my life.

Here's to YouthWorks!

Here's to an amazing summer with YouthWorks where I have been greatly impacted by God and others, I have grown so much, and I have been affirmed of my calling. I will post more about the end of my summer in the near future, but here's to the great Area I could ask to serve God and others alongside of. This is the body of Christ, putting aside our denominational differences and simply loving as Jesus loves. I praise our wonderful Creator for one of the best summers of my life.

Perseverance builds stronger community

So, sometimes when you think everything is going right and ahead of schedule...things change. That is what happened from day 1 of this new week as the morning began with a car accident wrecking our company car! It was a disaster, but luckily no one was hurt and then the church immediately stepped in to help us out because we needed to still pick up our groceries. So while we were still shaken up the new groups arrived and I immediately felt like I was going to connect with this group more. Well all went well until the 2nd day one of the vans got broken into; we were shocked and felt as if we could not get a break. It was like there were forces working against us that knew we would be having an amazing God filled week. Sure enough we worked through every trial that approached us and now I feel closest with this group than groups in the past. 

Everything was going well until we got the adult leaders in on a prank. You see the St. Louis site is rather into pranking each other, but we took it a step too far by scheming with adult leaders. We ended up seriously freaking out some of the youth and having to have a meeting about it. This was one of the biggest trials we had to face because we wondered how much trouble we would get in for it. Luckily it ended up just being a learning experience for us to never try and prank high school students. Advice for anyone running missions trips: don't prank the participants even when you think they'll take everything 100% well; because often times ones intentions are not the same as one comes off. 

We were afraid this trial would cause the youth to lose their trust in us. I thought that some of the youth wouldn't even want to talk to us. But by the end of the night many of the youth were thanking us for everything from the week and sharing funny stories of pranks gone wrong. To further show our forgiveness we received everything went well on our Thursday plans and the foot washing service went exceptionally well. In the end we as a staff were closer and the groups all seemed more unified.

 This week has shown the importance of perseverance through the storm and how when done in the presence of others trials build community. Authentic community. At the end of the day the 3 other staff I work with are my summer family; for better or for worse we are sticking together till the end. That is the beauty of communal living. 

4 weeks, 1 Body: As it should be.

Lord prepare me as I begin this summer, strengthen me, and help me to see the Church as it should be: unified and one body. This was my prayer for the summer and little did I know how quickly God would begin to answer this prayer. Even as I was boarding my plane, God was beginning to strengthen and prepare me for this great adventure. As I sat in my airline seat next to a rather quiet man who much preferred to sit in silence, I enjoyed reading A million miles in a thousand years by Donald Miller; as I read about how we need inciting incidents to give the story of our lives meaning, I was mentally preparing for what this new job would have in store.

From the first day at RAMP, our training week, I knew I had made the right choice to be there. There were challenging times where I felt out of my comfort zone, some boring workshops, and many very important sessions; through it all I met some people that I hope to keep in contact with after this summer and so many of those people reminded me of someone I used to know but I could never put my finger on who. My thought was that it was Gods way of showing me that He wants me to be here this summer. As I got to know my team members we immediately clicked; we all had things in common, but there was something else there too. It was as if God had led each and everyone one of us to this summer to be a part of this team. So by the end of the week we were ready to head to our site and develop more as a family in Christ.

After driving 9 hours from Alabama to St. Louis we finally arrived at our summer home. A nice, large urban baptist church filled with hidden doors and attics; it's the kind of place I had always wanted to explore as a child. From day 1 of arriving we began the dreaded week known as prep week. It was in this week I learned how I need to get used to city driving, how my team reacts under stress, what it's like to prepare for 49 people staying in one area for a week. In other words I saw the pros and cons of communal living and I will still say that I could enjoy living as such. Our team had our first conflict at the beginning of this week over a doctrinal issue and it really showed how we all deal with conflict: I was the mediator, Tonia was the quiet one, Jake got heated, and Abi got upset. I learned rather quickly that we all respond to conflict differently and the best way to work as a unified body of Christ is to be open about our ways of communication. We struggled through many trials during this prep week: from basement floods to tornado watches, but through it all we grew closer as a team. By the end of this week we were all relying on the humility and grace that God has given us to bring us through. 

After a stressful, busy week we departed for Louisville to have our first week with participants all together along with 8 other staff members. This week went by wonderfully and we really clicked with the teens and adult leaders. Although this was a learning experience, by the end of it adult leaders were hugging us,thanking us, and wishing we would not leave. This has shown me what I will learn all summer, it is hard to say goodbye when you serve with the bride of Christ for a week. As we returned to our St. Louis home we began the late nights and long hours making sure that everything was ready for our first group on site.The day of the participants arrival we were up bright and early for church and then afterwards planned a short staff meeting before we finished our work. In the midst of our meeting one of the congregation members came in and pointed directly at Tonia and told her that God was going to use her this summer and proceeded to tell her specifics that she was struggling with and how God wanted her to know it was going to be okay. Normally I am skeptic when it comes to prophecy, but this time was so specific and exactly what Tonia needed to hear I felt deep within me that it was from God. From that moment on I knew that this first week was going to be good.

Our first group, of 49 participants arrived as we were in the midst of finishing preparations. We had gotten very little sleep and were rushing to make the place feel like a home to them as it had already felt like our own little home. As we began our program, aspects of it went well and others felt rushed and as the week went on we realized mistakes that needed correcting. The entire week was a journey of learning, but we were blessed with a group of adult leaders who were willing to be our "Guinea pigs" and give critiques so we would know what we could do better. As we progressed through the week we got to connect with the teenagers and we witnessed change among them and watched the two church groups bond and unify. I will never forget the words from Father Marty when he said "Let's have the foot washing together, we've worked together all week; we're all Christians so why not?" That is how the body of Christ was meant to be. That made tears begin to well in me, but they fell stronger when I witnessed the beauty of the foot washing. Adult leaders were crying as they washed their teens feet and I felt overwhelmed with Gods love; this feeling increased as the adult leader I had worked with all week offered to wash my feet. That was not a part of our plan, but he washed my feet and prayed over me and I felt as if I was hugging Christ. We are called to mirror Christ and that adult leader was showing me Christ by doing this simple act of service. Needless to say it was a rather emotional ordeal to say goodbye to them and begin our weekend of rest and small amounts of work. 

The Lord is using my team and I while helping us to grow in unity and humility. I pray The Lord will continue to bless this team as we work towards being missionaries to this community for 7 more weeks. I pray for strength, humility, and a servants heart to come into these flawed humans' hearts made from dust. 

Visiting an Old yet New group

I stepped into the all too familiar doorway; the gateway I had dared venture through so many years ago for the first time as a young middle school student. I walked into the retro youth room looking around for what I was familiar with. The decor was the same, the sponsors were the same, and the atmosphere felt the same; but it was all different. I walked over and bought the stereotypical can of Mountain Dew that I used to buy and partook in small dialogues with the adult sponsors until it was time to start. At seven I drifted to the back of crowd and found a very inconspicuous seat where I could observe out of anyone's view. As we sang worship songs, led by my brother, I looked around and noticed the dynamics. I saw who the groups were and who were the "outsiders" and I noticed that everyone seemed to belong; in their distracted minds they all were a part of community. 

In observing the community I finally felt like an outsider. I finally felt like an adult, not in a bad way, but in a growing way. I sat in the back expecting not to talk to anyone when my youth pastor came back and cracked a few jokes with me and asked me to lead the group in prayer. So as I prepared to pray he gave me a short introduction since I used to be a student and intern there and in describing my summer job he allowed for my adult feeling to stay. Upon praying I returned to the back of the crowd and observed everyone as I listened to his lesson. I immediately noticed the ones who appeared to not be listening but were, the ones who appeared to be listening but weren't, the ones who were attentively listening and the ones who I could tell wanted to listen but their friends were distracting them. Sitting amongst the crowd helps one going into youth ministry understand student dynamics better I think. This might be unique to my desire to figure out people and why they do what they do. 

At the end of the lesson everyone went outside to play games together and it was beautiful to see that there wasn't someone inside alone; everyone had a friend to be with. I remembered when I had attended there was always one or two students who didn't relate to everyone the most so they would stay near the adult sponsors or leave right after group. It was so nice to witness a group where that wasn't the case and everyone had a friend group that they could connect with. It was refreshing seeing the students who were young when I attended being leaders now and the new students being brought up in the Way of Christ. 

I caught up with the adult sponsors and then headed out, with anew feeling of adulthood and with a burning desire for my summer job with YouthWorks and a willingness to be used by God in my journey to walk alongside teenagers. 

These were simply the thoughts from the dust of the former youth intern at Ship Naz. 

Suspense of the yellow umbrella

The mother has finally been revealed. After 8 long, wonderful, adventurous, and funny seasons we have finally seen the mother. What is her name? We do not know or care at this point. The point is we have finally seen it; the moment we had been waiting for since we first heard Future Ted begin his long story to his two very patient children. I gasped, others exclaimed shouts of joy, some did not react, and yet others just sat there and took it all in. The long anticipated moment had happened before our eyes and in a moment it was over filling us with suspense for this falls final season.

As I sit here and contemplate the finale and read the many blog articles and tweets about this mysterious woman I cannot help but compare this finale to life. Life is all about moments like this; ending the suspense only to usher in more. Often times there will be that one thing that we are dying to know and the anticipation will build until finally it will reveal itself to us with even more questions. Why someone new? Who are they? What's her story? And often time these answers cannot be found by some simple google search or twitter follower. We journey through life with these questions and suspense and stumble upon our answers. 

I have many unknowns awaiting me in both this summer break and in the upcoming fall semester. There is a constant suspense building inside of my chest awaiting for it's answers to be revealed. I pray and hope that this answer comes with clarity and will help me to journey into the cliffhanging unknowing that scares us all. There are so many unknowns I am facing, so many umbrellas to find. Some umbrellas are uncertainties of this summer at youthworks, some umbrellas are concerning unresolved situations with friends, and naturally one umbrella is my own yellow one. One day I will find my yellow umbrella and I will know that was the one I chose. 

So here's to the adventures into the unknown. The search for the perfect yellow umbrella. The beauty of symbolism. And of course here's to the journey of it all.

Season 2 Finale

Well here we are, at the end of another season. It's been a long year filled with stories and memories, but it is coming to a close. I depart tomorrow and I have so many thoughts because I do not want to leave. This campus is my current home and those I love dearest are here, as great as this summer will be I will miss them. As one of my dear friends has said, this season I have joined their little sitcom of life, but in many ways I have been on my second season of my own sitcom that is now tied into theirs. Much like the end of every sitcoms seasons life is very sentimental and one shocking thing from the Next is being played out. 

This year I had found someone who I thought was the love of my life and lost her. I had gone on a faraway adventure to another country and reaffirmed my passion to travel the world. I had preached Easter mornings sunrise service. I had learned one of my close friends is gay. I have changed many of my views on certain matters. I have hung out with my roommates close friends and had become a part of their group. I had done many firsts. I had lived out adventures that I have always wanted to do in college: from late night adventures in creeks to 4am discussions with an ex to Tim Hortans late night study sessions to cuddle fests that lead to some of the most awkward, yet funny situations. I had developed a "cuddle buddy" turned really good friend turned I don't even know now. I had gotten involved as a youth leader. I had helped my grandparents move in nearby and gotten to introduce some of my friends to them. And I had gotten assigned to work in St. Louis with teens doing missions. 

This season has been everything that I could ask for and more. I have grown in so many ways and experienced so many potential stories to tell my kids one day. I have had a great and confusing finals week, but that's what I love about this last week: it's so bittersweet. People are getting things out in the open so that we start off the summer on good terms, crazy shenanigans are taking place, and we are also cramming our heads with information for each of our unique tests. As this season ends let God be our writer and guide us into a new season filled with many more stories to tell. Hears to the end of a season and the beginning of a new one.

In the dark night we find community

"Want to go stargazing?" I was asked one fine night after the most confusing week of the semester or one of them anyway. Naturally I joined the group only to find 10 or so of my friends all in a circle near the radio tower all singing popular songs as my roommate lead with his guitar. We all joined in song all cuddled up to stay warm from the early morning breeze. I looked around and saw couples snuggling, friends embracing, everyone smiling in their contented singing; it was a beautiful reminder of our humanity. We are all broken, we've all been through a hell of a week, and yet here we were in a moment of bliss. It was a glimpse of how community should be, all sharing our burdens emotionally in our body languages and being there together. In the dark of the night community is found.

"Let's go on a walk." I suggested to a distant friend in hopes we could catch up and learn where the other person truly is. So around 1230 am we began walking around campus talking about where each of us had emotionally been these past few months. It was hard at times, we both were hurt, but it was needed and it was good. We ended up sitting down on the stairs of the library where I had once helped this friend through hard times in our friendship and talked with her until 4 am. We were both tired and cold, but we had so many things to say and both did not want to leave at all because it was so peaceful. It was beautiful, we were both so hurt from each other and broken messes but in the dark of the night we became community for one another. We were comforts and listening ears. We were what we needed. In the dark of the night community is found.

Community is always found. Through our brokenness we find each other. Through or brokenness we can seek others help and presence. We may not talk about our issues but we want someone who can be there for us. We want to know that we aren't alone. We all have our issues And our hope is that "you won't forget about me." We were made for relationships.

That is why I am so excited for my job with Youth Works this summer because as programs coordinator one of my "responsibilities" is to be relational which is how I believe I should live my life. I will be trying to periodically update this blog about my summer leading missions trips for teens, but we will see how often I do. I am sure in being relational and sharing Gods love I will learn many things that I will reflect about here.

In the darkest night of the soul we were made to be relational. Find your people who get you and simply be with them. We were made for community especially in or brokenness.