I used to think I had it all together.

I used to think I had it all together and now I think that I am desperately in need of God's grace.

This morning I woke up with the desire to write about a topic that has been on my mind since last weekend. I had come to a realization about myself and I kept going back and forth as to whether or not I should write it. Then today I read Sarah Bessey's new blog post advertising her new book Out of Sorts--which is on my "To Read" list--which encouraged her readers and fellow bloggers to write their transformation stories. It was enough to encourage me to write one of mine.

This past May--just a few months ago--much to my shock and disbelief I was the male student chosen in my graduating class to receive the Service Above Self award. I know, I know, the fact that I was shocked is one of the "reasons why I deserved this reward." At least that's what everyone told me. Here's the thing though. Sure, I offered a lot of my time (and learned about proper boundaries in the process) I do not think receiving this award was the proper response for all I have done. I do not want this recognition. Many people say that the reason why I do not want the recognition is because I am too humble, but in fact I have a confession: the reason why I do not want the reward is because I struggle with pride. 

Throughout my high school years I would tell mentors, friends, and even myself that I had no problems. I had everything all put together. There were even times when I would lament because I felt I had no testimony to share because everything had seemed to go perfectly in my life (lamenting over a 'perfect' life is certainly ironic, I know.). I had no worries, no needs, and certainly no major sins in my life I struggled with. I managed to go through most of high school thinking that my life was fine. I had managed to move away from the middle school experience I had (and hated) and was finally making my life the way I wanted it to be. 

As I ended my high school career and went off to college I had found that there was something I struggled with. Worry. I struggled with worry, but I knew that I--with proper planning and coordinating--could and should overcome it. I would pray about it every now and then, but overall I knew that I was capable of fixing it...myself. So that is what I did. I, as an ENFP, worked and worked to become a J and make sure that I was planning everything in order to avoid worrying. I wanted to fix it myself and not surrender this struggle to God and let Him help me. 

It was not until the end of my college experience that I began to give this to God more. As I began to surrender this aspect of my life to God, I also began to see the other issues in my life. I began to see pride as a primary motivator in many of my decisions. I started explaining to very few people that I struggled with this back and forth fight between being "too humble" or "too prideful." I did not seem to be able to find Aristotle's mean. I could not find the middle way. It was this dichotomy where both sides were detrimental. 

All of this leads me to this past weekend. 

My wife and I were busy cleaning up around our apartment when I glanced at my bedside bookshelf and noticed my Service Above Self plaque in the middle of all my keepsakes. It was strategically set up so it could be one of the first things I saw in the morning. It was then that I realized that the very thing I had set up to remind myself to be humble was instead filling me with pride each morning. I would turn over and see that plaque to be greeted with thoughts of, "Yes I received that award. This is me and I am glad it is." I was letting this very good and sincere award dominant me. I was getting more caught up in the fact that I won something than what it actually stood for.

So I picked it up, put it in my backpack, brought it to my office, and laid it at the cross that was in there. I committed this symbolic act to remind myself that who I am is because of Jesus. What I have accomplished is because of Jesus. I can do nothing without the breathe of God and so surrendered this award to Jesus, my Savior. 

Just a few days later was Halloween and naturally I had to dress up for the $3 burritos at Chipotle (and for the fun of dressing up...sometimes I still feel like a child). For my wife's costume she borrowed my graduation cap, gown, and cords. Now these cords I was very hesitant to let her use. They were a big deal to me because they represented all I had worked for in my college career. They reminded me of all the hard work that I did to get the GPA I had. I did concede though and I let her wear my cords. After hours of laughing and enjoying our burritos it was time to put away our costumes. That was when I realized they were missing. My cords. They were gone. We searched high and low and retraced all our steps, but the cords were simply gone. 

Gone. Vanished. 

Just like that.

It was this disappearance that reminded me of my pride. This disappearance that reminded me of what was really important in my life. This disappearance even reminded me how I got to where I was today. It was not just from my own will. It was not just all my hard work. I got to where I am today by the grace of God and following the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Losing my cords and moving my plaque were what I needed to do to surrender my pride to God. They were outward signs to represent that I used to think I had it all together and now I think I am in desperate need of God's grace daily.

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I do not share this to gloat or enlarge my pride more than it has already become. I share this to vulnerably and humbly share my struggles and my need for God's grace. I ask others to confess to one another where we struggle so that we may help each other as adopted children of the One True King to carry one another's burdens. We, as the Betrothed Fiance to Christ, must work together, lift each other up, as we faithfully wait for the coming of our Bridegroom.

Eternal God, in whom we live and move and have our being, whose face is hidden from us by our sins, and whose mercy we forget in the blindness of our hearts: Cleanse us from all our offenses, and deliver us from proud thoughts and vain desires, that with reverent and humble hearts we may draw near to you, confessing our faults, confiding in your grace, and finding in you our refuge and strength; through Jesus Christ your Son (Book of Common Worship, pg. 87, prayer 1).

Simplicity

Simplicity.

Some want it. Some hate it. Few have it.

What is it? Is it having a product that combines three of your commonly used items into one device that costs you fortune? Is it getting rid of everything that is unnecessary? Is it a daily life of purging and feeling guilty any time you buy something new? Is it really even about the stuff you own? What is the point of this complex word we called simplicity? Ironic, is it not?

Since my freshmen year of college--and likely since before then in little ways--I have had a fascination with this concept of simplicity. This fascination really began to take root through my ongoing love of community. I found that the more that simplicity was embraced the more community was able to thrive. But what does that mean? Can you have community and also not live a life of simplicity? Yes, but I wonder if we miss out on something. It was Mahatma Gandhi who once said, "Live simply, so that others may simply live." How can we apply this to our lives today?

I recognize that I am writing this as someone who has input in my top strengths. If you are unaware with the Strength Finders 2.0 having input as a top strength simply means that: "You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information -- words, facts, books, and quotations -- or you might collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity."1 This strength is very evident as I like to collect books (I have far too many to count), mugs, and old keepsakes. So then, how does one claim to strive towards simplicity when they also tend to have input as a top strength? It is all about understanding simplicity.

Simplicity is put simply an inward discipline with outward lifestyle results. It is a freedom that is found internally which will liberate us in our lives. Richard Foster tells us that when we experience simplicity our speech becomes honest and true, we are freed from a lust for status and position, we cease from showy extravagance out of principle, and our goods become available to others. We lack simplicity when we lack a Divine center or when we feel a lack of security. It is this lack of security and belonging that can lead someone to gain an insane attachment to things.

Simplicity is not about getting rid of everything--although as we heard Jesus' command to the rich young ruler, sometimes that is what is needed to be done. Simplicity, very much like the discipline of fasting, is one that reorients ourselves so that possessions can be rightly enjoyed without destroying us. Most items we own are not inherently bad, but it is all about whether or not they control our lives. If you feel like you could not live without something then maybe it is time to let that go.

The point is not to create legalism on "How much is too much?" or "I have more stuff so I must not be simple enough." No. The point is to seek first the Kingdom of God. When we put the Kingdom of God first in all that we do then everything else will come into place. Ecological concerns, the poor, equal distribution of wealth, and many other things that God cares about will be given their proper attention.

In the end, this inward reality of simplicity is a life of joyful unconcern for possessions. It is a life of putting people above possessions and not accepting society's love of instant gratification. So let us embrace simplicity, not worry about life, trust God, and give what we have to others because God has given it to us to begin with.

If you are a list person (like myself) here is a list of outward signs of simplicity that I found from Richard Foster's book Celebration of Discipline.

• Buy things for usefulness instead of status
•  Reject anything that is producing an addiction in you. 
•  Develop a habit of giving things away
•  Refuse to be propagandized by the custodians of modern gadgets
•  Learn to enjoy things without owning them
•  Develop a deeper appreciation for creation
•  Look with a healthy skepticism at “buy now, pay later” schemes
•  Obey Jesus’ instructions on plain, honest speech: Yes be yes, and no be no
•  Reject anything that breeds the oppression of others
•  Shun anything that distracts you from seeking God’s kingdom first

1. http://www.gallup.com/businessjournal/688/Input.aspx 
2. I also referenced Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster and Soul Feast by Marjorie Thompson 

To Write Love on Her Arms

To Write Love On Her Arms. The name of an incredible organization. The words for a hurting generation. The name of a based-on-true-events movie. A movement of redemption, recovery, and celebration.

Tonight I had the awesome opportunity to invite friends into my soon-to-be apartment and watch the new movie To Write Love on Her Arms which tells the true story of Renee Yohe and the 5 days before entering into Rehab that she spent with Jamie Tworkowski who would then publish her story and start this non-profit. To Write Love on her arms has become a nonprofit which aims to present hope for people struggling with addiction, depression, self-injury and thoughts of suicide while also investing directly into treatment and recovery (twloha.com). This movie tells that tale and for a Hollywood film I felt it was really well done.

I felt it helped to raise awareness of the hidden struggles that are not typically "socially acceptable" to discuss. It showed that recovery is possible, but that rehab does not completely fix everything. This film also captured the beautiful fact that recovery for any problem is not possible alone. This is just another affirmation that we are not meant to be alone in life. The movie showed that it was through mentoring and being surrounded by people that cared about her which brought Renee to recovery.

This movie is an excellent example of our dire need for discipleship. That word is often thrown around in church settings and there are countless books on how to disciple and 5 step formulas on discipling others. It is thrown around, but the sad truth is it does not always happen. Often times many places assume that if we get someone to enter into recovery, if we get someone to say a simple prayer, to follow a simple set of rules, or if we get someone to admit they have a problem that Jesus will fix everything from there and that is where we stop. The thing is that is where we should be beginning. The Great Commission calls Christians to go and make disciples. It does not say to go and fix people, but it says to go and disciple people. The problem with discipleship is, like Dietrich Bonhoeffer tells us, it costs us. It's messy. It's not easy.

Discipleship is what is shown in this beautiful true story of recovery. Discipleship is when Renee's friends let her live with them during the 5 days she has to get clean because the rehab center denied her entrance until then. Discipleship is the one on one time that she had with Tworkowski and Mckenna where they taught her ways to kick her addictions. When they shared with her practices on what to do when it gets hard. Discipleship was then returned at the conclusion of the film when SPOILER ALERT Mckenna relapses and Renee finds him and reminds him of how he helped her.

In an interview with Jamie Tworkowski he says that he wants people to watch the movie and see that it is, "a story about broken people loving broken people. It's about friends trying to be friends in the midst of their pain." He then goes on to explain that in his opinion, "a good story is not one that impresses you. It's one that brings you back to the story that you are living and the stories that you're connected to--and to think differently about those things." This is discipleship. We do not have to be perfect to disciple others. We do have to be present with them in the midst of their troubles. To celebrate their victories and mourn with them in their relapses.

The movie is pretty dark and realistic, but only touches the surface of what many people deal with and struggle with everyday. It shows the hardships of addiction and self-hate as well as showing that rehab does not completely fix everything. It's all about discipleship. It's all about community. It's all about living life with people not just in the happy-go-lucky parts, but in the messy, crazy, unplanned and unscheduled parts.

So let us take time to really get to know people. To disciple people. To give hope to people. To write love on her arms.

Let us Continue the Celebration

The week of missions trips. At least that's what my social media feed is portraying about this past week. The Nazarene Youth Groups are returning from NYC in Louisville, there are many teens and families who have returned from missions trips through Youth Works all over the country, and along with many other groups my youth group of the First Presbyterian church of Mount Vernon has returned from our trip to Wayfarer's Land Camp. Our trip was not your average missions trip, but it filled each of the students in different ways and planted seeds of amazing ideas in their minds.

This trip was the first big trip that I have planned for a youth group and in the past I had been on the other end of this--with Youth Works I was the one planning and welcoming in the youth groups. Since the moment I got hired I spent hours talking about this trip, vision casting, and helping coordinate the many fundraisers we put on. There were many days where it felt like the very point of our meetings was to prepare for this one trip--which is precisely the idea that I do not want to portray to the students. This trip is meant to be part of the normal rhythm of our OUT/IN/UP approach to ministry. Was this trip completely normal? No, but it was a much needed reminder and refresher for all the ministry we can do here in our home community of Knox County.

                                                                       The Group right before the trip to Wilmore, KY.

We departed early Monday morning for Asbury University in Wilmore, KY for a trip where we had little to no expectations and could not have guessed the amazing ways that the Holy Spirit was going to work that week. We had a safe and relatively uneventful drive which was good because once we arrived we jumped right into the crazy schedule of our week. This jam packed schedule seemed to overwhelm everyone on the first and second day, except for myself who has run similar settings through YouthWorks. As a new leader who was still getting acquainted with this youth group family, I was pretty worried about how the rest of the week would go with how drained and exhausted the entire team seemed when we debriefed that first night.

Then we attended our first worship session when we were there and it all came into focus. The students began to relax. Many began to be vulnerable and just praise their Creator as we embraced this theme of celebration and asked the Spirit to fill us with His good and perfect gifts. As the week progressed I was blessed to see students worship through fun water games, crazy running indoor games, through raising their hands and dancing like fools for Jesus more and more each day, through sharing in our church group times,  through serving by helping out at a Shelter for Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence, and through seeking God in prayer. Every day I saw the teenagers get more into the different elements of worship and every day I saw God shining through each and every student. Each night when we would share at church group time, through all of our giggles and fun stories, I was nearly brought to tears each time as I reflected on how blessed I am to lead this amazing family.

We did have one incident where we had to rush a student to the hospital, but God was able to use that experience to bring us closer together. The joke has been that since I had a hospital run on this trip I was officially initiated into the group. Throughout each day of celebrating Christmas, Easter, and Pentecost I felt closer to each individual there and by the end of the week I had felt like I knew each of them for many years when in reality I had only been there for around two months. There is something about going through incredibly stressful situations with people that brings you even closer together. It creates a bond that cannot be faked.

As we prepared to leave Wayfarer Land Camp the 3DM team stressed the importance of allowing the celebration from the week to continue on in everyone's lives. There was a story told of when we were all in preschool how when it was our birthday we would bring in cupcakes to share with everyone. The older we get the more we lose this mentality of sharing good gifts with people. The prayer that was left over everyone as we departed was that we would continue the celebration and share our "cupcakes" of the experience with all that we would come in contact with.

I saw the beginning of those cupcakes being shared at our Missions Trip Debriefing night last night at our Youth Fellowship. We had invited out Session members, church sponsors, and parents to hear the testimonies of those who got to attend this incredible missions experience. As I sat there and listened to most of the students stand up in front of everyone and share how God has impacted their lives on this trip, how they want to go back next year, and how they could clearly feel the Spirit within them it filled me with joy. It was not simply happiness, but it was a joy that the Spirit provides. All week as I had heard that "every good and perfect gift comes from the Father" I had been praying for each of these amazing students. I had been praying that the Spirit would work within their lives and bring about transformation where they needed it. So to hear them share of these incredible Spirit-led experiences they had I truly felt like it had been a gift from the Spirit. As I felt thankful for this gift I felt I should do something I had not planned on. I invited everyone attending to lay hands on those who went on the trip and pray over them. I asked everyone to pray that this fire that is burning within those who went would stay and continue to lead them to do amazing things in their very own community.

                              The group being prayed over after we have returned                                     

So my prayer for all those who went on the trip and really for anyone who already went or will be going on a service oriented trip this summer is that it will fill you with the great gifts from the Spirit and prepare you to continue in your own community to do what the Lord is calling you to. My prayer is that everyone who returns from a trip will be empowered to continue the fire, to share the cupcake, and to realize what kind of leader they are. To realize as it is says in Ephesians 4 if they are an apostle, evangelist, prophet, teacher, or pastor/shepherd. I pray that each and every individual who either traveled on our trip, went elsewhere, or stayed in our community will be so empowered by the Spirit they will know how they are to minister, where they are to minister, and what they can do to share that light.

Holy Spirit lead us.
                                         

Jurassic World: Control and Community

In the midst of my busy schedule of this past weekend I was able to take a break and see the new movie Jurassic World and having only seen the first Jurassic Park movie I found that it was a very good film that did a great job at connecting to the first movie by adding to the story and making funny references throughout. Overall I was very impressed with this very fun movie and my fiance and I walked away from it with a deep, philosophical conversation.We felt that the movie did an excellent job at appealing to people's adrenaline rushes they get from a good adventure as well as providing very insightful commentary to our society today. Jurassic World was an excellent reminder to us of how much we, as a society, try to control everything and even at times 'play God'.

We try to control our schedule. We want to control our food intake. Where we shop. What we wear. Who we hang out with. Where we live. Here in the states we all have a set plan that we must follow or for some of us who desire to be spontaneous we have the freedom to control how spontaneous we are. We even go as far as trying to control nature and the animals that God has created; the movie does an excellent job of communicating this very message to us. Although I wonder how many will overlook that for the awesome CGI, epic giant dinosaur fights, and the tiny bit of romance. All of these things are great things, but why is it that we are always trying to control things in life?

One of my favorite lines of the film is when the park owner, Masrani says, "The key to a happy life is to accept you are never actually in control." This is shown all throughout the film that when they try and control the dinosaurs and plan out what will happen, things simply do not happen how they want.

I have noticed this with my own life. When I try and control exactly what will happen and when it will--and trust me, I am a huge planner and often try to do just that--things typically do not go according to plan. There have been times where I have tried to plan a spontaneous, romantic date and it goes no where according to my plan. It still ends up being a fun goofy date but, nothing like I planned. 

When I chose to go to MVNU to study Youth Ministry I had no intention of staying in the same community that the university was in afterwards. I had all these ideas of where I wanted to control my life to be at, however, because I let God have control I ended up staying in this incredible, often overlooked and undervalued, growing, little college town. I never would have been able to plan or control that I would one day end up working part time for a coffee shop where I would meet the most incredible people. There was one day I met an Amish poet who wanted to share his poems with me. Another time I met an elderly woman who I was able to sit with during my break and learn all about her bar tending years in her youth and how she was an american pool champion and had traveled all over the US competing unofficially. I never would have met incredible baristas that are willing to talk theology, religion, and spirituality with me and not try to argue against my more liberal leanings. Life truly does seem more fun when I surrender control and let God lead.

Another beautiful element involving control that Jurassic World exhibited was the idea that those who wanted to seize control were not really the true leaders. It was those who gave up control that ultimately were given the authority to lead. It was those who did not want to control others that were the ones who were trusted to lead. This very idea of control was also very connected to community and our instinctive need for it. In the film (SPOILER!!!) the Jurassic World staff are keeping a new genetically modified dinosaur in captivity and isolation until it is ready to be presented to the public and this creature ends up out smarting them and escaping from its cage in order to reek havoc and kill those who kept it in isolation. Early on in the film they share how they assumed it would be okay to keep the dinosaur in captivity and isolation because the raptors that Chris Pratt's character raised and trained were brought up in captivity. Pratt's character explains that it worked for them because they grew up with siblings in a pack. They had others with them to learn from. They had community. When we isolate ourselves and are forced to be without others we can fall into destructive patterns. When we are completely isolated we are much more susceptible for destruction and our downfall. At the end of the day this is just another beautiful reminder that we desperately need community. We need others. We are made to be with people and not to live alone. Our survival skills will not be enough if we are alone.

Oftentimes in the Christian community it can be easy to fall into American materialism and assume that we need to be in control. I think there are many who identify by the term "Christian" and yet try to live a life where they can control everything. There are those who try to gain the upper hand because they think this title gives them the right to do so. That, however, is simply missing the point. If we look to Jesus, the one we are called to imitate and follow as our Rabbi, we can see that this life is not one of control. Jesus himself, part of the Holy Trinity, did not view control as something to focus on, but instead humbled himself to serve others. That is what we must do. This is so wonderfully shown in Philippians 2:5-8 which says,

  

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

So let's stop trying to play God and control things. Stop trying to fight nature. And stop trying to be alone. Let's embrace community and nature and live life accepting we cannot always be in control and life will still be okay.

Post Grad Community

"We'll see each other again. We're all staying in the Columbus area this is not goodbye." These were the words that were exchanged on the day of my college graduation. It had been an incredible four years journeying with my roommate and crazy awesome friends. We had studied through tons of classes, played many pranks on each other, and went on many adventures. Some would say that I had the best four years of my life thus far at the University. And now we were all graduating and heading out to different parts of the Columbus area of Ohio to pursue careers, relationships, and whatever the next adventure holds. It is crazy to think I started this blog four years ago when I started college and now I am 3 weeks into post graduation life.

Since graduation I have been working two part-time jobs as a Starbucks Barista and as a Youth Ministry Director for the local Presbyterian church (PCUSA). I have had a very flexible schedule filled with interacting with fun co-workers at Starbucks by having talks on the church, theology, and politics; as well as getting to know a new youth group and planning a week long missions trip. My days have consisted of work, ministry, and hanging out with my incredible fiance as well as my new roommate and good friends. I have found that I currently have more freedom in the post grad life so I have been striving to connect with my friends who are in the area. I am quickly learning the intentionality that is needed in post grad life to continue to have meaningful relationships.

Today I was reminded of that intentionality. I had two of my good college friends--one of which was my roommate of four years--come back and visit me. We got to have lunch together to catch up and went adventuring around Mount Vernon. It was such a blessing to get to live life with these individuals for a few hours again today. I know I have incredible friends here, but it is so refreshing to see that those who have moved away are still involved in my life. Then to make matters even better I have more of my former apartment mates and friends coming to visit this weekend. It is a beautiful reminder of what intentional community can look like.

So many people think that once you transition out of a phase in life--like graduating--that you need to just move on and let people go, but I would like to argue that you do not need to do that. True community is one where people stay connected and continue to live life together even from a distance. There comes a time in our lives where we meet people who drastically change our lives. We meet people who have changed our lives so much we do not let geographic boundaries keep us from being apart of each others lives. This is community and yet it is more than just community. Rev. Michael Frost uses the term communitas to describe the sense of community that is achieved when we are in a place of transition--much like college--and these people were a part of my communitas, but they are also more than that. These people are the ones that I want to truly live life with and be a true community. I know, much like in real life, I am saying the word community a lot, but I am not using it lightly. I believe all of creation was made for relationships and community and that when we find those people to live life with in community we are beginning to live life as it should be.

So let us find those people we can best live life with. Let us find that community and communitas we are so drastically yearning for. Let us live in relationships.

Searching for Sunday

As someone who has grown up in the evangelical tradition, had an awesome upbringing, and since I have been in college has found a love for liturgy and the mainline traditions I have found that Rachel Held Evan's new book Searching for Sunday: Loving, Leaving, and Finding the Church was an incredible and refreshing read. This was an incredible read that was beautifully written and probably Rachel Held Evan's best book so far! I was not able to put the book down and found myself reading it every where I went. I loved how she so authentically shared her journey of leaving and then finding a church where she can belong and feel loved simply for showing up. Sometimes it can be so easy to get caught up in how the worship is or what kind of music they play, but at the end of the day it is completely about the people there. It is about the community and how loving they are. This past Sunday I visited a church in town and I was overwhelmed (in a good way) about how friendly and welcoming they seemed to be. I could tell that the church knew that my fiance and I were visitors and they wanted us to feel welcomed and as if this was a place we could return to and belong at. From the very beginning people told us that we should come, get involved, become members, and find our niche in ministry. We could tell that this was not a place of just coming to church on Sunday, but that it was a place we could belong to. We could tell all of this just from the people we met that day. It felt like such a blessing I almost cried--which granted is not a big deal for me, but still.

 The book did an excellent job at showing that she still loves evangelicalism and would never completely give it up. I felt this book emphasized the importance of denominations, the sacraments, and unity without uniformity. Searching for Sunday helps one gain a better appreciation for the sacraments of: baptism, confession, holy orders, communion, confirmation, anointing of the sick, and marriage. There were chapters I cried in, laughed at, and underlined in at least 10 times in. Most of the margins have notes and scribbles affirming what was read in the book. This may be the best book I have read in awhile and it is a great one for anyone questioning how they view the Church or even how the church should be. There are examples of so many types of churches. This is a call to not leave the church--or even to leave a particular denomination, but to find the beauty in the Church universal. To realize that the Church is messy, confusing, and ongoing, but it is the Bride of Christ. As Rachel so eloquently writes, "All we have is this church--this lousy, screwed-up, glorious church--which, by God's grace, is enough."

Interested yet? Searching for Sunday comes out on April 14th, tomorrow, so order it now at www.searchingforsunday.com 

Be fruitful and Multiply: The Great Commission

“God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth” (Genesis 1:28, New Revised Standard Version).

Genesis 1:28. The Biblical mandate humanity was given in this creation narrative. The Biblical mandate that is so often used to tell Christians why they must have kids. Why it is the duty of good married couples to procreate. This verse has plagued many couples who do not feel a calling to have children or may not be able to have children. This verse has been both a blessing and a curse to people, but I wonder if we have missed the point. Have we viewed this passage in a simplistic way by limiting it to procreation?

I am not in any way saying procreation is not a good and godly thing, but what is truly its purpose? Are we just meant to populate the earth and then would that not make it irrelevant now in our overpopulated world? Or is the purpose to represent the church as people of the Kingdom. When we make a family we are making little Kingdoms. Alexander Schmemman in his book For the Life of the World: Sacraments and Orthodoxy says, “Family is a big part of the sacrament of matrimony because each family is a kingdom, a little church, and therefore a sacrament of a way to the Kingdom (Kindle loc. 1293).The purpose of having a family is to be little churches, but those little churches are not meant to be alone. Those churches are called to minister in their context and also gather together with other churches or families.

In these gatherings we can share what our church has done and equip new people to go out and start their own churches. That does not mean that everyone must go out and have kids to start a family. What it means is that people should go out and be the church. When people start and multiply churches it is the same as starting a family. If we are truly being the church we should be like a family. When we equip and send people out we have reproduced people to go out and be a family in a context we could never reach.

Viewing procreation as a means of creating little churches allows us to see this passage of Scripture in a larger more meaningful way. I wonder if when God created humankind in His image and gave us this command if it was more of a command to be the church. God is calling his people to go out and build the kingdom. We see this mandate all throughout Scripture and we are reminded of it through the words of Jesus in the New Testament when he says, "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:19-20, NRSV). Jesus is not calling us to something new. This is not a radical new lifestyle. This is showing us what He intended from the beginning. So we are all--married, single, celibate--called to make disciples, to multiply and fill the earth with the love of God which ushers in the Kingdom.

The point of the Church is not to make one little group and leave it in that community. The point of the Church is to equip and empower others in your group to start other groups. If we are to be the Body of Christ, we must be allow the Spirit to work in us and fill us with fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. When these fruits are present in our lives it will naturally lead us to go and multiply the Church. To lead others into the life giving freedom of the Kingdom of God.

Sources:

Schmemann, Alexander. For the Life of the World: Sacraments and Orthodoxy. Crewstwood, NY: St. Vladimir's Seminary, 2000. Print.

Be the Change in Your Community.

Since the very first "Bible Lesson" that I wrote myself I have found that I am passionate about the verse Matthew 25:40 and in a larger spectrum I am most drawn to passages of Scripture that proclaim good news to the poor, oppressed, marginalized, etc. It is this very reason that I am drawn to books such as When Helping Hurts by Brian Fikkert and Steve Corbett, The Hole in the Gospel by Richard Stearns, and A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans to name a few. This is also why I am so often drawn to liberation theology and firmly believe that as those who claim to follow the Resurrected Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we have a duty to love and serve the marginalized, poor, least of these, etc. It is not merely something good we might do, nor a legalistic set of rules, but it is how we live out this lifestyle of the Kingdom. There is so much disunity, dysfunction, and brokenness on this side of the Kingdom and so that alone shows the need for the Body of Christ to bring change in the world.

I bring up all of this because I have found that there are certain causes that people say everyone needs to contribute and be main advocates for. I have often been told that if I truly believed in Matthew 25:40--which I hope I do since I have it tattooed on my wrist--then I needed to put most of my focus on advocating and speaking up for this one certain group. You fill in the blank. Sometimes I wonder if helping the least of these has been used to guilt people into supporting certain causes or advocate for certain groups.

I am not saying that those people are wrong or that those certain groups do not need help and advocacy, but what I want to argue is that not everyone is called to every single group. Some people may feel led to work with promoting a pro-life from birth to death mentality, some may feel led to work with the homeless, some may feel led to work with those marginalized in the LGBTQ community, some may feel led to adopt, some may feel led to foster, and some may feel led to work with providing education to third world countries. All of these are groups and settings that we should support and be in favor of, however, I would say that people should choose where they are being led to put their focus.

In our overbooked, over-scheduled life we cannot take part in every cause and we cannot fully devote ourselves to every marginalized group. I believe that we should always be standing with the marginalized in whatever context we are living/working and that we should focus on ministering to those specifically in our context. It is also important to know where, with the help of the Spirit, we can be most effective with the skills and gifts that God has equipped us with. Instead of trying to tackle every social issue out there, we need to pick the ones we have been equipped to work with and encourage those who are called to other issues to pursue those.

As the Body of Christ we need to follow the pattern of Jesus when He said,

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

    because he has anointed me

        to bring good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives

    and recovery of sight to the blind,

        to let the oppressed go free,

 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor” 

(Luke 4:18-19 NRSV) 

We should be striving to share the good news of liberation from oppression that Jesus provides. We should be striving for a holistic understanding of transformation that cares about each person's physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. We need to proclaim this good news to those who are marginalized in our context. We need to use the gifts that we have been given to impact our communities. 

So who are you called to minister and serve? Who needs liberation in your community? What has God given you a passion for? Homelessness? Human Trafficking? Gender Inequality? LGBTQ issues? Abortion? AIDS/HIV? Orphans? Lack of education? World Hunger? Thirst? Whatever it may be, what it is that breaks your heart...go after it. 

Let's stop getting overwhelmed by all the issues in the world and thinking there is not a change we can make. Let's instead act on what we can, live out our passions, focus on the change we can make in our own communities, and advocate for the issues we have been given a passion for, while empowering others to advocate for the issues they feel led to stop.

If we work together, as the Body of Christ, with all of our different passions and gifts, we can truly make a difference and help usher in the Kingdom. 

Sometimes we just need to do something Vulnerable.

Resurrection Sunday. Easter. The day celebrating that Christ rose from the dead! The day where a few women went down to the tomb, burial spices in hands, and ended the day as the first evangelists: telling others that Jesus Christ had risen from the dead. The end of our waiting has begun. The Kingdom has begun and yet is still coming.

It was an excellent day for me today because not only was I excited to celebrate the risen Savior, but I was celebrating by breaking my 40 day fast of meat. It was a great 40 days of contemplation, solidarity with vegetarians, and reflection. I felt I had grown to rely on God more and even to appreciate what I ate more. It was also during these 40 days that I have applied and searched for many jobs. It was during these days that I have felt stress and worry about finding a place of employment for after graduation. It was during this time that I focused on relying more on God than on my own skills and abilities. Or so I told myself I was doing. There were times when it was difficult. There were times when I felt if I just did the right thing I would get myself the perfect job. Even though in theory I was trusting wholly in God, these 40 days have been a process of learning how to seek first His Kingdom.

As I participated in the festivities of Holy Week I also prayed and brainstormed with my lovely fiance on job options. There have been places that have contacted me and places that I have felt led more too, but had not yet heard much from them. Then tonight Brianna surprised me with a suggestion that was out of the ordinary for us.

She brought out our Easter "Advent" Wreath she had made and suggested we turn off the lights and light the candles, but as we lit each candle we would pray for something different. Our prayers were all on different topics, but all focused on the uncertainty of the future and allowing God to lead. When we got to the middle candle, we took turns praying back and forth as if we were having a three way conversation with God. Then we danced. We celebrated and rejoiced in the unknown. We were vulnerable, we opened ourselves up, and we said, "Hey God...here were are, trying something completely new, ready to see where you will lead." We tried something that seemed weird to us and completely trusted in God. Now neither of us are mystics or people who think following some ritual to the tea will get you answers or solve all of your problems; but we are both advocates for being vulnerable and relational. We both realized that if we truly wanted God to lead and guide our relationship we needed to be fully open with God. After this action of vulnerability and trust I received an email about a potential job I had been leaning towards and feeling very strongly about.

This act may or may not lead us to God's will. It's not magic or a formula. It was a reminder that we need to be open, vulnerable, and willing to do crazy things for God. We're ready to serve and work where God desires for us to be.

Communion.

Christ's blood shed for you.

This is what I found myself saying to hundreds of college students as they walked down the aisle, took the small piece of bread, and dipped it into the grape juice filled chalice in my hands. I said it a hundred or so times and yet each time the words rang in my ears. This small act had so much significance to it. I saw some dip their bread and then rush back to their seats as soon as possible, some slowly take their time taking everything in, some looking me in the eyes and thanking me--as if the act of holding this cup and saying these words was something I was giving to them. It was an incredibly humbling process to help serve communion at my school's Cooperation in Grace Chapel Service. It reminded me of my love for the sacrament of communion.

Growing up I went to your typical Evangelical church where we took communion once a quarter and all the kids got excited because they got to get out of junior church early to try new bread and dip it into grape juice (like all good Nazarenes, we did not use wine)--at least I knew I got excited. I had no idea that there were whole traditions that took this sacrament on a weekly basis until I got to college. Since then I have attended and observed many different types of churches--Mainline, Evangelical, Liturgical, and Contemporary. I have attended large church services where they spent loads of money to have rain fall on the Worship team as they played in the spot lights, and I have been to small churches where the most expensive thing they had was a PowerPoint Projector and slides. I have been to churches that practice communion monthly, quarterly, and weekly. It was honestly not until I began attending the church I regularly attend now that I began to really appreciate The Eucharist for what it is.

When I was beginning my Sophomore year of college I knew that I had to decide what church I would be attending, because I had a scholarship that required I work for a church. Having been disappointed and disconnected with the church I attended all of my Freshmen year I was in need of finding a "good fit" for myself. Following the advise of a good friend I decided to email a small, local, Nazarene church that met in a storefront and called themselves Shepherd's House. It seemed pretty non-threatening and I had heard only good things about it. My first Sunday visiting I immediately noticed that they had more of a liturgical feel to them than a typical Evangelical church. It was evident that the worship was more than just music; the congregation participated through having people throughout the crowd reading the Scripture readings, they used the lectionary, they all recited the Apostle's Creed and Lord's Prayer together, and took communion. I was very impressed and then to top it all off, everyone was incredibly friendly and invited me to stay for a meal afterwards. We ended with communion for more communion. I would later find out that was their way of welcoming back the college students, but that every Sunday evening they had home groups and would eat dinner together before discussing the morning's sermon. This is what kept me there. It was not phenomenal preaching, it was not the free coffee I could get before church started, and it was not even the amazing worship music. It was the loving community, the fact that it was intergenerational, and it was the act of taking communion every week.

I have learned throughout my life that there are very different understandings and interpretations for the Eucharist and I have found that I tend to fall under the belief that it is something we should do whenever we remember. When we remember the good news of the Resurrection, when we are thankful to God, and when we re-member back together as a group. This act of remembering has become a vital part of worship and whether or not I can explain how, I believe Jesus is present especially in the taking of communion and it is an amazing place for all who come to the Table to receive grace. This sacrament that so many people just view as a "part of worship we sometimes do" is a beautiful, constant reminder of the eschaton, of the time when Christ will return and make all things new inviting all to a feast where no one is hungry and everyone are companions. In her upcoming book Searching for Sunday, Rachel Held Evans puts it perfectly when says, "The church is God saying: 'I'm throwing a banquet, and all these mismatched, messed-up people are invited. Here, have some wine" (Held, pg. 153). No matter what our background is, we are all invited to the Table and should all celebrate it as often as we meet. We are all invited to cooperate with grace, to accept this grace that is given to us and then go and show it to others; but first we must accept it.

Which brings me back to the Cooperation in Grace service I was a part of. This particular chapel service consisted of worship through music, confessions, anointing, Scripture reading, hand washing (in replace of foot washing), and finally communion. It was an incredible service and a reminder of how much we need God's grace. It did, however, make me wonder how great this would be if we regularly practiced receiving and giving grace. If instead of having one chapel service where we do multiple forms of cooperating with grace, what if we always cooperated with grace each time we gathered together. I wonder how much more fulfilling and grace-filled our lives would be if we made it a normal act to have communion through meals together with those we know, don't know, and even those we don't agree with. What would it look like to practice thanksgiving and grace in our lives today? 

Sometimes we're called to Stay.

Hey, do you want to cancel our trip to KC? It was going to be a one day trip anyways and for ten hours that is hardly worth it.  These are the words that I texted to a travel companion at the beginning of this January Term break. Not even a year ago I would have been shocked to hear that my future self would turn down a chance to visit this exciting city, but I simply felt that the trip was not worth it. I had previously planned this excursion to be a Wednesday-Saturday trip, but I then got offered a job interview in the area that would delay us from leaving. Due to this interview--which is very important to me and will affect my post-grad plans--we would only really be in Kansas City for one day which gave me a weird gut feeling. I just did not feel right about going on the trip and so through much inner dialogue I decided to cancel the trip and invest my weekend in this local area.

This area that two years ago I felt I should invest in more. That my summer in New Orleans taught me I should invest in. This area that I am applying for jobs in, which is not something that I ever expected I would do when I enrolled in college. Sometimes we are led to very surprising places. Sometimes God places desires on our hearts that had it been a year before we would completely miss out on. Recently I have been feeling more and more of a pull towards living in this area and doing ministry here. This is weird because I was one who always wanted to travel the world and see new places--which I still do--and yet I am not being drawn to move anywhere at this present time.

Last weekend my fiance and I decided to go on a drive without picking a destination. We drove into the dark night not knowing where we would end up and after half an hour we ended up going back to her apartment. Sometimes in life that is what happens: we dive into the unknown future and end up where we already were. Sometimes we need to realize there is a need where we are and not everyone needs to pick up and leave to some far off foreign place. Sometimes missionaries are called to both leave and stay depending on what stage they are in life. Right now I feel as if I should stop leaving and stay for a bit. We'll see where that leads us.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. 

My date with the Episcopal church

Have you ever met someone who you knew you had to get to know and date? The more you got to know them the more you knew that you had to be more than friends with this special person who just happened to come into your life. Slowly as time wore on you began developing many expectations for this person and what your dating life would be and by the time that you had your first date planned you had already picked out the name of your first born child with this person. Then that fateful day happens when you go on this long-awaited date and...it blows. Nothing met your expectations and you realized that you had fallen in love with the idea of this person, but not the actual living, breathing, person. Has this ever happened to you?

It happened to me, not with a person, but rather a church; the Episcopal church to be exact. 

My tale begins my sophomore year at the University when I first began to hear about the Episcopal church and their theology. The more I learned the more I found myself agreeing with and the more I wanted to learn. I began researching their theology and even attending one of their prayer walks for Good Friday during my junior year in college. I had yet to actually attend one of their Sunday morning services, but I was increasingly impressed with their theology and how missional they tended to be. I then discovered that they help start and fund the local homeless shelter which made me respect them even more. Around this time I had been introduced to other High Church settings through the Lutherans and Catholics and fell in love with liturgy. Eventually I felt it would be time to finally check out an Episcopal service.

I anxiously walked towards the door next to my lovely fiance. She smiled at me handing me a piece of gum with a joke of, 'this is for if she--the church--kisses you.' This was how I knew that she approved of this first date with this lovely church. As I sat in and participated with the community in the service I started to feel as if I was cheating on my home church that I attend when I am at school. Over time I realized that I was greatly enjoying the liturgy and the message, but something did not feel right. The service was great, but I did not feel like I was at home. I realized I had fallen in love with the theology of the Episcopal church, but I missed the excitement and lively music from my own evangelical church. I enjoyed myself, but my expectations were not completely made and I realized that this type of service did not draw me in and was more of an occasional when I need a break from routine type of service. I realized that I was drawn to more of an evangelical feel and that it was okay for me to be. I do not have to follow the trend of millennials and just leave a church that does not seem to have everything figured out, because there is no such thing as a perfect church. 

So attending the Episcopal church was a good and growing experience for me; it was one that I needed. It showed me how much I value the church I currently attend and it showed me that just because I love a churches theology does not mean that I need to attend that denomination or would like all of their polity or the way they do their services. This is what I needed for my growth in Faith.

Lord, I pray for unity among all denominations that we would be able to learn from each other and share what we have with one another. Let us all live in love.

That was the tale of my date with the Episcopal church. I look forward to serving alongside the Episcopal church as my years in ministry continue.