Choices.

My eyes flash open and I am alone.

I hate solitude, it brings out the worst in me. Silence keeps my thoughts from staying at bay.

I look around, I'm in a dark room.

There's two doors at the end of the hall; it felt as if they were beckoning me.

Beckoning me to choose one.

What is it with life that persuades us to make choices every day?

Why aren't there times where we can just be?

I walk towards the door and see one is red and one is blue and both have a particular sense of familiarity.

My eye drifts first to the blue door, the one filled with the most familiarity. 

What was it that drew me towards it?

As I focused on that one door, I noticed the patterns that were carved into it; Patterns that seemed to know me, to know who I was.

I reached out my hesitant hand, feeling the carvings and with each stroke I felt a sense of warmth.

A sense of comfort. A sense of safety. This was something I had somehow always knew.

Then the red door caught my attention again. I turned to focus on that and noticed writings.

Words were inscribed all over the door, but not just any words. 

Words about me.

This door seemed to know who I was, seemed to have my inner feelings portrayed in words.

This door however, had less familiarity and more of a sense of adventure.

I feel like I did not know this door, as I had with the other; but I felt it knew me.

I backed into view of both of the doors and looked at each in confusion..

I knew I had to choose a door, but which one should I choose?

I reached for a handle and turned it ever so slowly as it might the slightest creak.

There was the brightest light I had ever witnessed, so bright white would not even be able to describe it.

It was lighter than white, with a tint of blue in it; this light had a sense of unknowing and adventure.

I closed the door in fear.

I reach for the other door and slowly open it.

The door creaks open and a strange, familiar smell arises out of it.

I can see the smell, it looks like a strange, flowing line of smoke.

I inhaled the smell and let it soak into my soul.

This was comfortable and intoxicating.

It was what I knew.

I closed the  door in fear and stepped back again.

Two doors stand before me.

One red and one blue.

One familiar and one not.

Yet the one not seems to know me.

This is something I know I must choose.

I cannot let this decision go on much longer.

There was a sense of urgency filling my bones.

I reach out for a door handle,

I feel it cold and round in my hand.

I turn the handle and open the door,

the next thing that I see is...

Ignite the Night

After a much discouraging rant on what's been on my heart, I felt it to be necessary to post something more encouraging which I much prefer to talk about. I learned today how fast passion can spread. Okay, okay I know that sounds sensual but it's not...I'll get to that. Passion can be like a forest fire, if you act on it with people who have the same passions it can grow quicker than anything.

Now to explain myself. When I was in highschool I was on a traveling music and drama team and it was one of the best decisions of my life. I developed so many friendships and really developed my leadership skills on it. Now 2 years later, as an alum, I learned they were taking a few years off from having a team...and in my sadness from that and my desire to see the team again, I decided to send out a message about having a little get together this summer to reconnect. Not even an hour later, when I walked out of class I checked the message, twenty more people were added to the conversation all more than eager to have a get together! Within the next four hours ideas for dates were bounced around and my former leader and myself were out in charge of planning this endeavor.

So there it is, how a tiny spark of an idea can ignite the flame of our united passions. When I was on the team we once received these shirts that said "Ignite the night" and that is exactly what we should do. Whatever it is that we are desiring to do, don't hold back because of fear. Start that tiny spark because it will ignite the night.

Authentic? Community.

The more I progress through life, the more I realize the pros and cons of communities. I believe we are made to be in community because we are created by a relational, three in one God; but due to the fall these communities can have destructive tendencies because of its members and that breaks my heart. Maybe it's because I am young and not jaded to the world, but why is it that we cannot have a loving, respectful community even at a Christian school, is that too much to ask? Do our actions as self professing Christians really show that we think Christ's sacrifice was worth it? A prime example of the way we can act is found at my own campus with not only its large amount of slander and gossip that has been going around, but the way the "outcasts" are treated here. Coming from a youth group that stresses authentic community it's hard to be in one that I have grown to love develop such negative qualities. What gets me the most is that it is the ministry majors that are awful to the "outcasts" what are they going to do when they have those same types of students in their future youth ministries? I get the argument that even as ministry majors we still make mistakes, but how is bullying fellow human beings just a mistake? I don't want to become jaded and think this is all communities have to offer. I believe in love. I believe this campus and many other places in this world need transforming love. How can we make this place more loving? One person at a time. We need to be more like what it says in James 5:16 which says "Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed." (MSG)