Visiting an Old yet New group

I stepped into the all too familiar doorway; the gateway I had dared venture through so many years ago for the first time as a young middle school student. I walked into the retro youth room looking around for what I was familiar with. The decor was the same, the sponsors were the same, and the atmosphere felt the same; but it was all different. I walked over and bought the stereotypical can of Mountain Dew that I used to buy and partook in small dialogues with the adult sponsors until it was time to start. At seven I drifted to the back of crowd and found a very inconspicuous seat where I could observe out of anyone's view. As we sang worship songs, led by my brother, I looked around and noticed the dynamics. I saw who the groups were and who were the "outsiders" and I noticed that everyone seemed to belong; in their distracted minds they all were a part of community. 

In observing the community I finally felt like an outsider. I finally felt like an adult, not in a bad way, but in a growing way. I sat in the back expecting not to talk to anyone when my youth pastor came back and cracked a few jokes with me and asked me to lead the group in prayer. So as I prepared to pray he gave me a short introduction since I used to be a student and intern there and in describing my summer job he allowed for my adult feeling to stay. Upon praying I returned to the back of the crowd and observed everyone as I listened to his lesson. I immediately noticed the ones who appeared to not be listening but were, the ones who appeared to be listening but weren't, the ones who were attentively listening and the ones who I could tell wanted to listen but their friends were distracting them. Sitting amongst the crowd helps one going into youth ministry understand student dynamics better I think. This might be unique to my desire to figure out people and why they do what they do. 

At the end of the lesson everyone went outside to play games together and it was beautiful to see that there wasn't someone inside alone; everyone had a friend to be with. I remembered when I had attended there was always one or two students who didn't relate to everyone the most so they would stay near the adult sponsors or leave right after group. It was so nice to witness a group where that wasn't the case and everyone had a friend group that they could connect with. It was refreshing seeing the students who were young when I attended being leaders now and the new students being brought up in the Way of Christ. 

I caught up with the adult sponsors and then headed out, with anew feeling of adulthood and with a burning desire for my summer job with YouthWorks and a willingness to be used by God in my journey to walk alongside teenagers. 

These were simply the thoughts from the dust of the former youth intern at Ship Naz. 

Suspense of the yellow umbrella

The mother has finally been revealed. After 8 long, wonderful, adventurous, and funny seasons we have finally seen the mother. What is her name? We do not know or care at this point. The point is we have finally seen it; the moment we had been waiting for since we first heard Future Ted begin his long story to his two very patient children. I gasped, others exclaimed shouts of joy, some did not react, and yet others just sat there and took it all in. The long anticipated moment had happened before our eyes and in a moment it was over filling us with suspense for this falls final season.

As I sit here and contemplate the finale and read the many blog articles and tweets about this mysterious woman I cannot help but compare this finale to life. Life is all about moments like this; ending the suspense only to usher in more. Often times there will be that one thing that we are dying to know and the anticipation will build until finally it will reveal itself to us with even more questions. Why someone new? Who are they? What's her story? And often time these answers cannot be found by some simple google search or twitter follower. We journey through life with these questions and suspense and stumble upon our answers. 

I have many unknowns awaiting me in both this summer break and in the upcoming fall semester. There is a constant suspense building inside of my chest awaiting for it's answers to be revealed. I pray and hope that this answer comes with clarity and will help me to journey into the cliffhanging unknowing that scares us all. There are so many unknowns I am facing, so many umbrellas to find. Some umbrellas are uncertainties of this summer at youthworks, some umbrellas are concerning unresolved situations with friends, and naturally one umbrella is my own yellow one. One day I will find my yellow umbrella and I will know that was the one I chose. 

So here's to the adventures into the unknown. The search for the perfect yellow umbrella. The beauty of symbolism. And of course here's to the journey of it all.

Season 2 Finale

Well here we are, at the end of another season. It's been a long year filled with stories and memories, but it is coming to a close. I depart tomorrow and I have so many thoughts because I do not want to leave. This campus is my current home and those I love dearest are here, as great as this summer will be I will miss them. As one of my dear friends has said, this season I have joined their little sitcom of life, but in many ways I have been on my second season of my own sitcom that is now tied into theirs. Much like the end of every sitcoms seasons life is very sentimental and one shocking thing from the Next is being played out. 

This year I had found someone who I thought was the love of my life and lost her. I had gone on a faraway adventure to another country and reaffirmed my passion to travel the world. I had preached Easter mornings sunrise service. I had learned one of my close friends is gay. I have changed many of my views on certain matters. I have hung out with my roommates close friends and had become a part of their group. I had done many firsts. I had lived out adventures that I have always wanted to do in college: from late night adventures in creeks to 4am discussions with an ex to Tim Hortans late night study sessions to cuddle fests that lead to some of the most awkward, yet funny situations. I had developed a "cuddle buddy" turned really good friend turned I don't even know now. I had gotten involved as a youth leader. I had helped my grandparents move in nearby and gotten to introduce some of my friends to them. And I had gotten assigned to work in St. Louis with teens doing missions. 

This season has been everything that I could ask for and more. I have grown in so many ways and experienced so many potential stories to tell my kids one day. I have had a great and confusing finals week, but that's what I love about this last week: it's so bittersweet. People are getting things out in the open so that we start off the summer on good terms, crazy shenanigans are taking place, and we are also cramming our heads with information for each of our unique tests. As this season ends let God be our writer and guide us into a new season filled with many more stories to tell. Hears to the end of a season and the beginning of a new one.

In the dark night we find community

"Want to go stargazing?" I was asked one fine night after the most confusing week of the semester or one of them anyway. Naturally I joined the group only to find 10 or so of my friends all in a circle near the radio tower all singing popular songs as my roommate lead with his guitar. We all joined in song all cuddled up to stay warm from the early morning breeze. I looked around and saw couples snuggling, friends embracing, everyone smiling in their contented singing; it was a beautiful reminder of our humanity. We are all broken, we've all been through a hell of a week, and yet here we were in a moment of bliss. It was a glimpse of how community should be, all sharing our burdens emotionally in our body languages and being there together. In the dark of the night community is found.

"Let's go on a walk." I suggested to a distant friend in hopes we could catch up and learn where the other person truly is. So around 1230 am we began walking around campus talking about where each of us had emotionally been these past few months. It was hard at times, we both were hurt, but it was needed and it was good. We ended up sitting down on the stairs of the library where I had once helped this friend through hard times in our friendship and talked with her until 4 am. We were both tired and cold, but we had so many things to say and both did not want to leave at all because it was so peaceful. It was beautiful, we were both so hurt from each other and broken messes but in the dark of the night we became community for one another. We were comforts and listening ears. We were what we needed. In the dark of the night community is found.

Community is always found. Through our brokenness we find each other. Through or brokenness we can seek others help and presence. We may not talk about our issues but we want someone who can be there for us. We want to know that we aren't alone. We all have our issues And our hope is that "you won't forget about me." We were made for relationships.

That is why I am so excited for my job with Youth Works this summer because as programs coordinator one of my "responsibilities" is to be relational which is how I believe I should live my life. I will be trying to periodically update this blog about my summer leading missions trips for teens, but we will see how often I do. I am sure in being relational and sharing Gods love I will learn many things that I will reflect about here.

In the darkest night of the soul we were made to be relational. Find your people who get you and simply be with them. We were made for community especially in or brokenness.