500 days of Realization

Have you ever watched a movie that revealed more to you than it was intended to? That it gave you a realization that you needed to hear. I recently watched the movie 500 days of summer and in its great plot and funny quirks it got me thinking about my past relationships. I always told myself I was "in love." With each girl too. I was so convinced each time, and yet when the going would get tough and things would get rough I would feel that I fell "out of love" and try to find some reason to end it. I always justify my reasons to with the thought "well the number one thing I worry about is finding the right person." But is that really the source of the problem? Or was I even in love to begin with? 

Don't get me wrong I believe in the act of dating its how you figure out what you like in another person...but how do you know when you love that other person? It's so easy to get those warm, fuzzy feelings and when you have them it only makes sense to say that wonderful and yet sometimes dreaded three worded phrase 'I love you.'

So I have realized that I have not loved those past relationships...not the way that I should love the person I will be with forever one day. I thought that I loved them, but love does not bail as soon as things get too hard. Love works together through it. Love is patient, kind, never gives up.

At the beginning of the summer I felt that I should daily read through 1 Corinthians 13 to help grow as a more loving person. Along with that it has also helped me realize what it means to truly love another woman of God. I need to stop living in an illusion of convincing myself I love girls. I need to really let myself fall in love with someone.

I am currently talking with a girl and I know that at any moment if  i wanted to date she would; yet I get so hesitant. I am afraid that she will be just like everyone else. That it will be another pattern that I'll fall into.

I do not want another pattern.
I need to get to know her more and if I feel she could be different strive for that difference. Work towards finding love in her; for her.

To find this love I need to never give up, keep studying the love chapter, and strive to live the way of love.

Lord please help me to live a life of love.