Imagine you are a pitcher of water

Boundaries.

There are books, podcasts, metaphors, and illustrations galore on how important boundaries are. And yet it seems there are still many who struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries. This seems especially prevalent among individuals who work in what I like to call "helping professions" and ministry. Oftentimes "helping professions" are one and the same as "ministry" professions, but not always, which is why I felt the need to distinguish between the two. Far too often I have heard the phrase "This is a sacrifice", "Ministry is a sacrifice", or something similar to justify why a set of healthy boundaries are not put in place. I have seen people get overworked all in the name of helping people.

Do people need help? Absolutely. Is it admirable and good to have careers where we help others? Absolutely. Should we allow a world to exist where there are organizations and groups of people that others simply cannot live without? No. This is unhealthy and not sustainable.

If the organization or group that you work for cannot function without you there then maybe, just maybe, something is not right. Maybe others need to learn how to do what you do in order that you can have time for breaks. There is a time for creating job security in your field, but you also need times for rest.

There are jobs where you can make sacrifices in the name of helping others. There is nothing wrong with that, but you need to be able to take care of yourself and your family too. There needs to be a balance.

I would like to end with another boundary metaphor. I am sure I am not the first to use this one, but I am not sure where it originated from. It's not a perfect metaphor, but it works.

Imagine you are a pitcher of water and your goal in life is to pour water into cups. You pour, pour, and pour your water into several cups and feel very accomplished. Eventually you will run out of water. What do you do when you run of out water? If you try to keep pouring water into more cups nothing will happen. What do you need to do? You need to refill with more water. You need to go to a source of water and fill up with more water before you can fill more cups. Also you need to realize that you only have so much water at a time so you need to pick which cups to fill up. If there are hundreds of cups you cannot possibly fill them all up, but you need to choose which ones you yourself can fill up.

This is what having boundaries is all about: taking time to fill up with more water and choosing which cups you will fill up and which ones you won't because you know that you aren't the only pitcher of water out there and you cannot fill all of the cups. Every "yes" to one thing is a "no" to something else. So ask yourself, what matters most?