Visiting an Old yet New group

I stepped into the all too familiar doorway; the gateway I had dared venture through so many years ago for the first time as a young middle school student. I walked into the retro youth room looking around for what I was familiar with. The decor was the same, the sponsors were the same, and the atmosphere felt the same; but it was all different. I walked over and bought the stereotypical can of Mountain Dew that I used to buy and partook in small dialogues with the adult sponsors until it was time to start. At seven I drifted to the back of crowd and found a very inconspicuous seat where I could observe out of anyone's view. As we sang worship songs, led by my brother, I looked around and noticed the dynamics. I saw who the groups were and who were the "outsiders" and I noticed that everyone seemed to belong; in their distracted minds they all were a part of community. 

In observing the community I finally felt like an outsider. I finally felt like an adult, not in a bad way, but in a growing way. I sat in the back expecting not to talk to anyone when my youth pastor came back and cracked a few jokes with me and asked me to lead the group in prayer. So as I prepared to pray he gave me a short introduction since I used to be a student and intern there and in describing my summer job he allowed for my adult feeling to stay. Upon praying I returned to the back of the crowd and observed everyone as I listened to his lesson. I immediately noticed the ones who appeared to not be listening but were, the ones who appeared to be listening but weren't, the ones who were attentively listening and the ones who I could tell wanted to listen but their friends were distracting them. Sitting amongst the crowd helps one going into youth ministry understand student dynamics better I think. This might be unique to my desire to figure out people and why they do what they do. 

At the end of the lesson everyone went outside to play games together and it was beautiful to see that there wasn't someone inside alone; everyone had a friend to be with. I remembered when I had attended there was always one or two students who didn't relate to everyone the most so they would stay near the adult sponsors or leave right after group. It was so nice to witness a group where that wasn't the case and everyone had a friend group that they could connect with. It was refreshing seeing the students who were young when I attended being leaders now and the new students being brought up in the Way of Christ. 

I caught up with the adult sponsors and then headed out, with anew feeling of adulthood and with a burning desire for my summer job with YouthWorks and a willingness to be used by God in my journey to walk alongside teenagers. 

These were simply the thoughts from the dust of the former youth intern at Ship Naz. 

Suspense of the yellow umbrella

The mother has finally been revealed. After 8 long, wonderful, adventurous, and funny seasons we have finally seen the mother. What is her name? We do not know or care at this point. The point is we have finally seen it; the moment we had been waiting for since we first heard Future Ted begin his long story to his two very patient children. I gasped, others exclaimed shouts of joy, some did not react, and yet others just sat there and took it all in. The long anticipated moment had happened before our eyes and in a moment it was over filling us with suspense for this falls final season.

As I sit here and contemplate the finale and read the many blog articles and tweets about this mysterious woman I cannot help but compare this finale to life. Life is all about moments like this; ending the suspense only to usher in more. Often times there will be that one thing that we are dying to know and the anticipation will build until finally it will reveal itself to us with even more questions. Why someone new? Who are they? What's her story? And often time these answers cannot be found by some simple google search or twitter follower. We journey through life with these questions and suspense and stumble upon our answers. 

I have many unknowns awaiting me in both this summer break and in the upcoming fall semester. There is a constant suspense building inside of my chest awaiting for it's answers to be revealed. I pray and hope that this answer comes with clarity and will help me to journey into the cliffhanging unknowing that scares us all. There are so many unknowns I am facing, so many umbrellas to find. Some umbrellas are uncertainties of this summer at youthworks, some umbrellas are concerning unresolved situations with friends, and naturally one umbrella is my own yellow one. One day I will find my yellow umbrella and I will know that was the one I chose. 

So here's to the adventures into the unknown. The search for the perfect yellow umbrella. The beauty of symbolism. And of course here's to the journey of it all.

Season 2 Finale

Well here we are, at the end of another season. It's been a long year filled with stories and memories, but it is coming to a close. I depart tomorrow and I have so many thoughts because I do not want to leave. This campus is my current home and those I love dearest are here, as great as this summer will be I will miss them. As one of my dear friends has said, this season I have joined their little sitcom of life, but in many ways I have been on my second season of my own sitcom that is now tied into theirs. Much like the end of every sitcoms seasons life is very sentimental and one shocking thing from the Next is being played out. 

This year I had found someone who I thought was the love of my life and lost her. I had gone on a faraway adventure to another country and reaffirmed my passion to travel the world. I had preached Easter mornings sunrise service. I had learned one of my close friends is gay. I have changed many of my views on certain matters. I have hung out with my roommates close friends and had become a part of their group. I had done many firsts. I had lived out adventures that I have always wanted to do in college: from late night adventures in creeks to 4am discussions with an ex to Tim Hortans late night study sessions to cuddle fests that lead to some of the most awkward, yet funny situations. I had developed a "cuddle buddy" turned really good friend turned I don't even know now. I had gotten involved as a youth leader. I had helped my grandparents move in nearby and gotten to introduce some of my friends to them. And I had gotten assigned to work in St. Louis with teens doing missions. 

This season has been everything that I could ask for and more. I have grown in so many ways and experienced so many potential stories to tell my kids one day. I have had a great and confusing finals week, but that's what I love about this last week: it's so bittersweet. People are getting things out in the open so that we start off the summer on good terms, crazy shenanigans are taking place, and we are also cramming our heads with information for each of our unique tests. As this season ends let God be our writer and guide us into a new season filled with many more stories to tell. Hears to the end of a season and the beginning of a new one.

In the dark night we find community

"Want to go stargazing?" I was asked one fine night after the most confusing week of the semester or one of them anyway. Naturally I joined the group only to find 10 or so of my friends all in a circle near the radio tower all singing popular songs as my roommate lead with his guitar. We all joined in song all cuddled up to stay warm from the early morning breeze. I looked around and saw couples snuggling, friends embracing, everyone smiling in their contented singing; it was a beautiful reminder of our humanity. We are all broken, we've all been through a hell of a week, and yet here we were in a moment of bliss. It was a glimpse of how community should be, all sharing our burdens emotionally in our body languages and being there together. In the dark of the night community is found.

"Let's go on a walk." I suggested to a distant friend in hopes we could catch up and learn where the other person truly is. So around 1230 am we began walking around campus talking about where each of us had emotionally been these past few months. It was hard at times, we both were hurt, but it was needed and it was good. We ended up sitting down on the stairs of the library where I had once helped this friend through hard times in our friendship and talked with her until 4 am. We were both tired and cold, but we had so many things to say and both did not want to leave at all because it was so peaceful. It was beautiful, we were both so hurt from each other and broken messes but in the dark of the night we became community for one another. We were comforts and listening ears. We were what we needed. In the dark of the night community is found.

Community is always found. Through our brokenness we find each other. Through or brokenness we can seek others help and presence. We may not talk about our issues but we want someone who can be there for us. We want to know that we aren't alone. We all have our issues And our hope is that "you won't forget about me." We were made for relationships.

That is why I am so excited for my job with Youth Works this summer because as programs coordinator one of my "responsibilities" is to be relational which is how I believe I should live my life. I will be trying to periodically update this blog about my summer leading missions trips for teens, but we will see how often I do. I am sure in being relational and sharing Gods love I will learn many things that I will reflect about here.

In the darkest night of the soul we were made to be relational. Find your people who get you and simply be with them. We were made for community especially in or brokenness.

Encouragement done Right

I awoke to a brand new day ready for the routine of life filled with the same old conversations and choices, not expecting many changes to this particular Thursday. I walked out of the door and the first thing I saw was a chalk message calling my apartment mates and I "Classy Men" which led to a collection of encouraging statements written all down the sidewalk from my dorm to our cafeteria. As I walked the encouraging path I thought to myself how much that had made my day, how much the simplest act of kindness can impact us, and the most troubling thought why does this impact us so much? That question may not seem troubling, but think about it: if those little acts of kindness make our days then doesn't that mean we do not expect people to be as kind? Doesn't that mean we expect people to not care or do anything like that? I am not saying we should not have little acts of kindness, but shouldn't our everyday lives be filled with little acts of kindness? Shouldn't we, as a Christian campus, be so filled with kindness and love that it is unexpected to do negative actions? I am hoping for that day, for the day when this campus is so filled with kindness and love that the only actions that are unexpected and shocking are the ones where people are degrading to other people or they lack their desire to care. How much better would our world be if we could have entire campuses so focused on love to do anything that would lack it? I am not in any way attempting to degrade the school that I attend, I just would like to argue that we can do so much better at following the two greatest commandments: Love God and Love your neighbor. So, overall my question for today is if Christians would put away their pride, anger, self-righteousness, and devoted all of their energy to love how much better of a place could we be?

One other note on this topic of encouragement that needs to be addressed. When people directly encourage ourselves we need to be careful not to allow that to fill us with pride. I know that I found that when my former mentor arrived on campus to visit yesterday, I constantly wanted to tell him "Look, people think I am classy!" and point out the chalk writing to him, but I would always stop myself because that was letting my pride take over. When pride takes over it corrupts our attempts at loving each other. To fully live out this life of love, we need to get rid of our pride as well which is one of the hardest sins to deal with because our society encourages and thrives off of it. In giving and receiving encouragement we need to stop our pride from flaring out and allow our love and mercy to triumph over that pride and judgment.

Lord fill us with your love in such a way that it is abnormal to be cruel, prideful, and judgmental. Let Us Love.

A Contrasting Life

I don't want to go to school was the thought that crossed my mind every day of middle school. Every morning I would dread awakening to another rough day as the quiet kid in middle school. I wallow through the hallways from class to class with the hopes that maybe somebody would take the time out of their day to show me that I mattered; to give more than the simple "Hi how are you?" "I'm fine" small talk that dominates the conversations of those who just pass you by looking for people who they call "friends." I sat in my classes, praying the teacher would not call on me so that I could just sit peacefully taking notes and paying attention to the lecture. Occasionally I would write out a little note to pass girls that I thought were cute, but I learned early on that that would only lead to being poked fun at for having a "crush" on the girls who I wouldn't stand a chance with. What is wrong with me? I'm a leader in Youth group, why can't I be outgoing here? I would ask myself as I'd walk back from another failed Shop class proving yet again that I could not function like all the "cool guys." Ever since 5th grade when I had enrolled in this school, after being home schooled all my life, I had felt isolated and alone. Most of the class mates all grew up together and seemed to be the best of friends, leaving the few who were like me the ones who were picked on. This was my life in middle school, this was why I hated going to school, this was a christian school. How messed up is that? I was attending a Christian school and everyone there seemed fake, there were so many issues that happened, and I was the lonely introvert who was just simply sick of it; so I transferred schools.

Flash forward to College

This is where I belong and where God wants me is the thought that has been on my mind since I first stepped foot onto campus. Every morning I get up exhausted from the time with friends the night before, but more than excited for what the day held in store. "Hey, it's great to see you today! How are you?" Are the typical conversation starters throughout my day; it always brings me joy to catch up with my friends whether it be in groups or one on one. Since day one I have developed so many friendships with both guys and girls that years before I would not have believed would happen; It seems like every week I have gained a new friendship in one way or another which just broadens my connections to activities on campus. "You're like the poster child for the perfect college experience!" one of my close friends from back home once told me which was ironic because in middle school she was the outgoing, poster child then. This campus despite its drama was a place of love and authenticity; I knew it needed work, much like any place does, but at the end of the day I would always defend it for it is the place that I belong during these four years. However, some of my close friends did not see the love on campus, often made comments about how awful the drama was, and most sad of all they always talked about how this Christian campus was filled with fakes and hypocrites.

The roles have been reversed; in college my life has become what I always wanted out of middle school. Some of my friends are the ones who are discontent of how fake people are and I am now the one defending it and looking for the love. What would my life have been like if I was more outgoing in high school? What if I had decided to try and change the status quo of middle school instead of just leaving? I am proud of where I am today, so how do I help others get to this point as I have done? This last question is one that I would like to focus on more, because what good are what ifs unless we use them to make a change. It hit me tonight how drastically these two times in my life contrast. I pray that many can come to see the love and authenticity in any surrounding regardless of the evil that takes place there for if we let the cloud of darkness discourage us from action than we'll slowly lose sight of love. These are just the thoughts from the dust of a man who has changed for the better.

Day without Shoes

Today I participated in Toms Shoes "day without shoes" while promoting donating shoes to Haiti and I had a few observations throughout the day with this idea of what people deal with every day of their lives. The first place I traveled to was the cafeteria for work and I was immediately told to put on shoes to enter. I see their reasonings because of the health code but I felt frustrated because if there are people who can't afford shoes they wouldn't be allowed to enter most food establishments. How messed up and sad is that a Christian food establishment would not allow someone who can't afford food in; but maybe I am over reading this and they just required us to wear shoes because they knew we had them. It's all about humility and realizing we are not in control of all our surroundings.

Then I noticed how not many people seemed to participate and those that did not seem to care as much. Some people inquired about it and said they would think about it, but there were also some who seemed annoyed; just something I noticed on a Christian campus. Then we ended the day with a foot washing service; it ended up being around 7 people because of the rain, but it was a very humbling experience. It had reminded me that where 2 or more are gathered God is present and tonight showed that. Tonight was a beautiful reflection of service to those we barely know. Tonight was also a night that made me reflect on Haiti more...but that's a story for another night.

So overall I noticed it is not always easy for people to go without shoes and so many of us have issues with giving up our comforts. Even though things may turn out smaller than you intended, God can and will still use those experiences. I challenge all of us to live a life of service in all we do.