Communion.

Christ's blood shed for you.

This is what I found myself saying to hundreds of college students as they walked down the aisle, took the small piece of bread, and dipped it into the grape juice filled chalice in my hands. I said it a hundred or so times and yet each time the words rang in my ears. This small act had so much significance to it. I saw some dip their bread and then rush back to their seats as soon as possible, some slowly take their time taking everything in, some looking me in the eyes and thanking me--as if the act of holding this cup and saying these words was something I was giving to them. It was an incredibly humbling process to help serve communion at my school's Cooperation in Grace Chapel Service. It reminded me of my love for the sacrament of communion.

Growing up I went to your typical Evangelical church where we took communion once a quarter and all the kids got excited because they got to get out of junior church early to try new bread and dip it into grape juice (like all good Nazarenes, we did not use wine)--at least I knew I got excited. I had no idea that there were whole traditions that took this sacrament on a weekly basis until I got to college. Since then I have attended and observed many different types of churches--Mainline, Evangelical, Liturgical, and Contemporary. I have attended large church services where they spent loads of money to have rain fall on the Worship team as they played in the spot lights, and I have been to small churches where the most expensive thing they had was a PowerPoint Projector and slides. I have been to churches that practice communion monthly, quarterly, and weekly. It was honestly not until I began attending the church I regularly attend now that I began to really appreciate The Eucharist for what it is.

When I was beginning my Sophomore year of college I knew that I had to decide what church I would be attending, because I had a scholarship that required I work for a church. Having been disappointed and disconnected with the church I attended all of my Freshmen year I was in need of finding a "good fit" for myself. Following the advise of a good friend I decided to email a small, local, Nazarene church that met in a storefront and called themselves Shepherd's House. It seemed pretty non-threatening and I had heard only good things about it. My first Sunday visiting I immediately noticed that they had more of a liturgical feel to them than a typical Evangelical church. It was evident that the worship was more than just music; the congregation participated through having people throughout the crowd reading the Scripture readings, they used the lectionary, they all recited the Apostle's Creed and Lord's Prayer together, and took communion. I was very impressed and then to top it all off, everyone was incredibly friendly and invited me to stay for a meal afterwards. We ended with communion for more communion. I would later find out that was their way of welcoming back the college students, but that every Sunday evening they had home groups and would eat dinner together before discussing the morning's sermon. This is what kept me there. It was not phenomenal preaching, it was not the free coffee I could get before church started, and it was not even the amazing worship music. It was the loving community, the fact that it was intergenerational, and it was the act of taking communion every week.

I have learned throughout my life that there are very different understandings and interpretations for the Eucharist and I have found that I tend to fall under the belief that it is something we should do whenever we remember. When we remember the good news of the Resurrection, when we are thankful to God, and when we re-member back together as a group. This act of remembering has become a vital part of worship and whether or not I can explain how, I believe Jesus is present especially in the taking of communion and it is an amazing place for all who come to the Table to receive grace. This sacrament that so many people just view as a "part of worship we sometimes do" is a beautiful, constant reminder of the eschaton, of the time when Christ will return and make all things new inviting all to a feast where no one is hungry and everyone are companions. In her upcoming book Searching for Sunday, Rachel Held Evans puts it perfectly when says, "The church is God saying: 'I'm throwing a banquet, and all these mismatched, messed-up people are invited. Here, have some wine" (Held, pg. 153). No matter what our background is, we are all invited to the Table and should all celebrate it as often as we meet. We are all invited to cooperate with grace, to accept this grace that is given to us and then go and show it to others; but first we must accept it.

Which brings me back to the Cooperation in Grace service I was a part of. This particular chapel service consisted of worship through music, confessions, anointing, Scripture reading, hand washing (in replace of foot washing), and finally communion. It was an incredible service and a reminder of how much we need God's grace. It did, however, make me wonder how great this would be if we regularly practiced receiving and giving grace. If instead of having one chapel service where we do multiple forms of cooperating with grace, what if we always cooperated with grace each time we gathered together. I wonder how much more fulfilling and grace-filled our lives would be if we made it a normal act to have communion through meals together with those we know, don't know, and even those we don't agree with. What would it look like to practice thanksgiving and grace in our lives today? 

Sometimes we're called to Stay.

Hey, do you want to cancel our trip to KC? It was going to be a one day trip anyways and for ten hours that is hardly worth it.  These are the words that I texted to a travel companion at the beginning of this January Term break. Not even a year ago I would have been shocked to hear that my future self would turn down a chance to visit this exciting city, but I simply felt that the trip was not worth it. I had previously planned this excursion to be a Wednesday-Saturday trip, but I then got offered a job interview in the area that would delay us from leaving. Due to this interview--which is very important to me and will affect my post-grad plans--we would only really be in Kansas City for one day which gave me a weird gut feeling. I just did not feel right about going on the trip and so through much inner dialogue I decided to cancel the trip and invest my weekend in this local area.

This area that two years ago I felt I should invest in more. That my summer in New Orleans taught me I should invest in. This area that I am applying for jobs in, which is not something that I ever expected I would do when I enrolled in college. Sometimes we are led to very surprising places. Sometimes God places desires on our hearts that had it been a year before we would completely miss out on. Recently I have been feeling more and more of a pull towards living in this area and doing ministry here. This is weird because I was one who always wanted to travel the world and see new places--which I still do--and yet I am not being drawn to move anywhere at this present time.

Last weekend my fiance and I decided to go on a drive without picking a destination. We drove into the dark night not knowing where we would end up and after half an hour we ended up going back to her apartment. Sometimes in life that is what happens: we dive into the unknown future and end up where we already were. Sometimes we need to realize there is a need where we are and not everyone needs to pick up and leave to some far off foreign place. Sometimes missionaries are called to both leave and stay depending on what stage they are in life. Right now I feel as if I should stop leaving and stay for a bit. We'll see where that leads us.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. 

My date with the Episcopal church

Have you ever met someone who you knew you had to get to know and date? The more you got to know them the more you knew that you had to be more than friends with this special person who just happened to come into your life. Slowly as time wore on you began developing many expectations for this person and what your dating life would be and by the time that you had your first date planned you had already picked out the name of your first born child with this person. Then that fateful day happens when you go on this long-awaited date and...it blows. Nothing met your expectations and you realized that you had fallen in love with the idea of this person, but not the actual living, breathing, person. Has this ever happened to you?

It happened to me, not with a person, but rather a church; the Episcopal church to be exact. 

My tale begins my sophomore year at the University when I first began to hear about the Episcopal church and their theology. The more I learned the more I found myself agreeing with and the more I wanted to learn. I began researching their theology and even attending one of their prayer walks for Good Friday during my junior year in college. I had yet to actually attend one of their Sunday morning services, but I was increasingly impressed with their theology and how missional they tended to be. I then discovered that they help start and fund the local homeless shelter which made me respect them even more. Around this time I had been introduced to other High Church settings through the Lutherans and Catholics and fell in love with liturgy. Eventually I felt it would be time to finally check out an Episcopal service.

I anxiously walked towards the door next to my lovely fiance. She smiled at me handing me a piece of gum with a joke of, 'this is for if she--the church--kisses you.' This was how I knew that she approved of this first date with this lovely church. As I sat in and participated with the community in the service I started to feel as if I was cheating on my home church that I attend when I am at school. Over time I realized that I was greatly enjoying the liturgy and the message, but something did not feel right. The service was great, but I did not feel like I was at home. I realized I had fallen in love with the theology of the Episcopal church, but I missed the excitement and lively music from my own evangelical church. I enjoyed myself, but my expectations were not completely made and I realized that this type of service did not draw me in and was more of an occasional when I need a break from routine type of service. I realized that I was drawn to more of an evangelical feel and that it was okay for me to be. I do not have to follow the trend of millennials and just leave a church that does not seem to have everything figured out, because there is no such thing as a perfect church. 

So attending the Episcopal church was a good and growing experience for me; it was one that I needed. It showed me how much I value the church I currently attend and it showed me that just because I love a churches theology does not mean that I need to attend that denomination or would like all of their polity or the way they do their services. This is what I needed for my growth in Faith.

Lord, I pray for unity among all denominations that we would be able to learn from each other and share what we have with one another. Let us all live in love.

That was the tale of my date with the Episcopal church. I look forward to serving alongside the Episcopal church as my years in ministry continue. 

The Waiting Season

Waiting. Waiting is an element that is pervasive all throughout life. Every human being experiences some form of waiting. There is waiting for the weekend to end and finals to begin. Waiting for my wedding in August. Waiting to finish my current loom project. Waiting to find a job for after graduation. Waiting for the coming of Christ and the day the world will be renewed. There is so much waiting. As I have been sitting in my apartment since 2 A.M., listening to my "Folksy Christmas" Spotify playlist, and looming I cannot help, but think about the advent season that we are in. Advent is a beautiful time to reflect on this idea of waiting. Advent is a wonderful time during the Church calendar that can help us better anticipate the coming kingdom.

As I have been reflecting this evening I have been reminded that waiting does not mean being stagnant. Waiting is about anticipating and preparing for the outcome. I am preparing for finals through studying, planning my wedding by working out the necessary details, anticipating a future job by searching for one, and anticipating the coming of the Kingdom by working to bring about the Kingdom of Heaven on earth in the here and now. As I wait for the caffeine in my system to wear off so that I can sleep I have decided to read the lectionary readings for church tomorrow and reflect on them as I prepare for the second full week of Advent. The Gospel reading comes from Mark 1:1-8, which says,

 "The beginning of the good news of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. As it is written in the prophet Isaiah, “See, I am sending my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way; the voice of one crying out in the wilderness: ‘Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight,’” John the baptizer appearedin the wilderness, proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. And people from the whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem were going out to him, and were baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins. Now John was clothed with camel’s hair, with a leather belt around his waist, and he ate locusts and wild honey.  He proclaimed, “The one who is more powerful than I is coming after me; I am not worthy to stoop down and untie the thong of his sandals. I have baptized you with water; but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.”

The other readings (Epistle, Old Testament, and Psalm) go along excellently with this passage which is all about preparing and anticipating for the coming King. In Mark's retelling of this story, we see this radical homeless guy going around and declaring that the Lord is coming and we need to prepare. John is not just sitting around in some Synagogue, but instead he is out in the wilderness baptizing people with water and preparing the way for the coming King. How often do we do nothing when we are waiting? I think the good news of the Gospel this week is that we can do something while we wait. We are called to prepare the way and anticipate. We all can find ways to help usher in the Kingdom as we wait for the Age to Come. This can be done through helping out at your local homeless shelter, helping your elderly neighbor with their groceries, asking for forgiveness, shopping ethically for the holiday seasons, babysitting for those parents that never get a day for themselves, treating the cashiers at your favorite convenient stores with respect and love (as well as those who work at your least favorite stores), getting to know people with developmental disabilities, loving the hard to love and getting to know their stories, and so many more things. There is so much brokenness in this world which means there is so much more we can be doing as we anticipate the day when all things will be made into how they were intended to be. 

May we continue into this Advent season with an attitude of anticipation that is coupled with action.

Pondering on Atonement

For the past several months I have been wrestling with Atonement theories. I have grown up hearing the idea that Christ had to come down and take the place on the cross for our sins. We quote Bible verses such as, "“For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life" (John 3.16, New Revised Standard Version) and translate it to mean that Christ took the place to satisfy an angry God. Or there is the theory that God in His love could not be near sin so sent His Son to die and destroy Sin so that we may be able to be purified and enter into His presence. There are many theories of Atonement and I would agree with the theologian Tony Jones that many of them likely got some aspects right but, not all.

But I would like to present another idea one that very likely is not original but, has been on my mind. What if the reason why Jesus became human and allowed himself to die on a cross was to show us that He loved us enough to become like us and die the worst possible death that we could experience. He came simply to suffer with us, love with us, dwell among us. He wanted to show he was not some far off, transcendent God who did not care. This would show us that if the Son of God is able to come down and go through this we should not be discouraged and should follow His example of the life He lived. It seems to me that we often stop atonement theories here. We say the Cross is what it's all about but, here's the problem with that: if the Cross is all that matters then we are hopeless. All that the Cross shows us is death. If the story ended with the Cross then it would end with Jesus' death but, we know the story does not end there. Three days later Jesus is resurrected and what if His resurrection is to show the resurrection that will await us in the age to come? What if Jesus was saying, "Just as I have loved the best I could until my death--and had the worst kind of death--so can you and if you will do as I have done you will to be resurrected." That is the good news. That Jesus is inviting us to live the life of the Resurrection. He is inviting us to choose life, reject evil, love the unlovable, love the lovable, and spread the good news of the Resurrection as we await that day where Christ returns to be fully here, fully reigning on earth as it is in Heaven.