Two is better than one: My 40 days of chores

In my last post I shared my Lenten challenge that I was about to embark on. In an effort to balance my household chores ethic out I took it upon myself to do all of our chores during the past 40 days. I had a plan set up that every time I would neglect a job or complain about it I would add money into what I called a "complaint/douche jar." I had tons of great intentions for this experiment and came away with the following great insights:

1. The Invisible Chores: As I started to focus on doing all the chores I began to notice all the invisible tasks my spouse would do throughout the week. I started noticing all the different ways that Brianna would clean our house that I had simply neglected before. These were jobs that I had never even thought of let alone noticed that she did them herself each week! During this period I became a lot more observant because I did not want to neglect any chore no matter how small they were.

2. Two is Better than One: During this period of house husbandry it made itself abundantly clear that household chores should be divided equally among all who are in the house! It can be incredibly draining to feel like you have to do everything. I found myself always wondering if I remembered to do everything and could hardly take time to rest because if I didn't do it, then it didn't happen!

3. Be appreciative: Even though it is a given that chores should be divided equally, I learned the importance of being appreciative that you have someone to clean your house with you. Be appreciative that you aren't alone. Throughout the month when I would notice things that I had often neglected Brianna would thank me. I know that she didn't need to thank me and I did not deserve the thanks, but it always made it seem easier. Of course, we don't need thanks for doing what we have to do, but it always helps.

I became abundantly appreciative of my spouse near the end of the 40 days as I had to get my wisdom teeth removed. This procedure made me invalid for about four days during which my spouse did everything for me. I did not plan for this to happen during my 40 days of house husbandry, but it just happened that way. After experiencing what it's like to do everything I had a deep appreciation for Brianna as she worked to take care of me during my recovery AND still get all of our household chores done!

Overall now that we have celebrated the Resurrection and these past 40 days have ended, I am glad to have a partner to do life with. I am glad we are an equal team and we can rely on one another to contribute. I'm glad I'm not in this alone.

Confession: I am lazy.

I have a confession to make.

I struggle with contributing to household chores equally.

For some this may seem silly, but it is not. This is a problem that I struggle with. A huge part of why this is a problem is because it is inconsistent with the words I espouse both online and in person. I claim to be a feminist and egalitarian and yet I allow my laziness to dictate how I spend my time. I go on rants all about how there should not be gender roles, but then I procrastinate and neglect chores around the house until my wife does them for me.

This is not okay. This is not something that should have happened. But, like any bad habit...this can be fixed. Sometimes it is extreme measures that I need to do in order to change an old habit and create a new one. Today as I reflected on this issue of laziness I think of the countless, often over-looked, Scriptures that tackle this very thing. I can think of Proverbs 10:4, Proverbs 12:27, Proverbs 26:15, Matthew 25:26, and Hebrews 6:12 to name a few. If I truly am against traditional gender roles and I truly want to dismantle the patriarchy then I need to make a change and let my actions reflect my words.

I share all of this not to brag or ask for pity, but I share this for accountability. As my friends and family, please keep me accountable. I want what I say and believe to mean something.

My solution is this: Using this time of Lent, for the next 40 days, I am going to respond in the opposite extreme of what I have been doing. I told my wife that I will be her househusband for the next 40 days. By this phrase, I mean that I will do all of the chores. I will also not complain about it. To help with accountability I am keeping a "complaint jar" and for every complaint I share during these 40 days I will put a penny in the jar. My hope is that this helps me better understand all of the chores I have been neglecting and helps me to balance out into an actual equal contributor. I also think this is worth doing because there are many couples out there where the man has the expectation that the woman should do all of the chores and my hope is that by switching the roles it will show just how ridiculous and unbiblical this approach really is.

So here's to 40 days of laundry, dishes, vacuuming, and cleaning. Here's to finally pulling more than my weight!

Please help me in this journey.