Sometimes we just need to do something Vulnerable.

Resurrection Sunday. Easter. The day celebrating that Christ rose from the dead! The day where a few women went down to the tomb, burial spices in hands, and ended the day as the first evangelists: telling others that Jesus Christ had risen from the dead. The end of our waiting has begun. The Kingdom has begun and yet is still coming.

It was an excellent day for me today because not only was I excited to celebrate the risen Savior, but I was celebrating by breaking my 40 day fast of meat. It was a great 40 days of contemplation, solidarity with vegetarians, and reflection. I felt I had grown to rely on God more and even to appreciate what I ate more. It was also during these 40 days that I have applied and searched for many jobs. It was during these days that I have felt stress and worry about finding a place of employment for after graduation. It was during this time that I focused on relying more on God than on my own skills and abilities. Or so I told myself I was doing. There were times when it was difficult. There were times when I felt if I just did the right thing I would get myself the perfect job. Even though in theory I was trusting wholly in God, these 40 days have been a process of learning how to seek first His Kingdom.

As I participated in the festivities of Holy Week I also prayed and brainstormed with my lovely fiance on job options. There have been places that have contacted me and places that I have felt led more too, but had not yet heard much from them. Then tonight Brianna surprised me with a suggestion that was out of the ordinary for us.

She brought out our Easter "Advent" Wreath she had made and suggested we turn off the lights and light the candles, but as we lit each candle we would pray for something different. Our prayers were all on different topics, but all focused on the uncertainty of the future and allowing God to lead. When we got to the middle candle, we took turns praying back and forth as if we were having a three way conversation with God. Then we danced. We celebrated and rejoiced in the unknown. We were vulnerable, we opened ourselves up, and we said, "Hey God...here were are, trying something completely new, ready to see where you will lead." We tried something that seemed weird to us and completely trusted in God. Now neither of us are mystics or people who think following some ritual to the tea will get you answers or solve all of your problems; but we are both advocates for being vulnerable and relational. We both realized that if we truly wanted God to lead and guide our relationship we needed to be fully open with God. After this action of vulnerability and trust I received an email about a potential job I had been leaning towards and feeling very strongly about.

This act may or may not lead us to God's will. It's not magic or a formula. It was a reminder that we need to be open, vulnerable, and willing to do crazy things for God. We're ready to serve and work where God desires for us to be.

Communion.

Christ's blood shed for you.

This is what I found myself saying to hundreds of college students as they walked down the aisle, took the small piece of bread, and dipped it into the grape juice filled chalice in my hands. I said it a hundred or so times and yet each time the words rang in my ears. This small act had so much significance to it. I saw some dip their bread and then rush back to their seats as soon as possible, some slowly take their time taking everything in, some looking me in the eyes and thanking me--as if the act of holding this cup and saying these words was something I was giving to them. It was an incredibly humbling process to help serve communion at my school's Cooperation in Grace Chapel Service. It reminded me of my love for the sacrament of communion.

Growing up I went to your typical Evangelical church where we took communion once a quarter and all the kids got excited because they got to get out of junior church early to try new bread and dip it into grape juice (like all good Nazarenes, we did not use wine)--at least I knew I got excited. I had no idea that there were whole traditions that took this sacrament on a weekly basis until I got to college. Since then I have attended and observed many different types of churches--Mainline, Evangelical, Liturgical, and Contemporary. I have attended large church services where they spent loads of money to have rain fall on the Worship team as they played in the spot lights, and I have been to small churches where the most expensive thing they had was a PowerPoint Projector and slides. I have been to churches that practice communion monthly, quarterly, and weekly. It was honestly not until I began attending the church I regularly attend now that I began to really appreciate The Eucharist for what it is.

When I was beginning my Sophomore year of college I knew that I had to decide what church I would be attending, because I had a scholarship that required I work for a church. Having been disappointed and disconnected with the church I attended all of my Freshmen year I was in need of finding a "good fit" for myself. Following the advise of a good friend I decided to email a small, local, Nazarene church that met in a storefront and called themselves Shepherd's House. It seemed pretty non-threatening and I had heard only good things about it. My first Sunday visiting I immediately noticed that they had more of a liturgical feel to them than a typical Evangelical church. It was evident that the worship was more than just music; the congregation participated through having people throughout the crowd reading the Scripture readings, they used the lectionary, they all recited the Apostle's Creed and Lord's Prayer together, and took communion. I was very impressed and then to top it all off, everyone was incredibly friendly and invited me to stay for a meal afterwards. We ended with communion for more communion. I would later find out that was their way of welcoming back the college students, but that every Sunday evening they had home groups and would eat dinner together before discussing the morning's sermon. This is what kept me there. It was not phenomenal preaching, it was not the free coffee I could get before church started, and it was not even the amazing worship music. It was the loving community, the fact that it was intergenerational, and it was the act of taking communion every week.

I have learned throughout my life that there are very different understandings and interpretations for the Eucharist and I have found that I tend to fall under the belief that it is something we should do whenever we remember. When we remember the good news of the Resurrection, when we are thankful to God, and when we re-member back together as a group. This act of remembering has become a vital part of worship and whether or not I can explain how, I believe Jesus is present especially in the taking of communion and it is an amazing place for all who come to the Table to receive grace. This sacrament that so many people just view as a "part of worship we sometimes do" is a beautiful, constant reminder of the eschaton, of the time when Christ will return and make all things new inviting all to a feast where no one is hungry and everyone are companions. In her upcoming book Searching for Sunday, Rachel Held Evans puts it perfectly when says, "The church is God saying: 'I'm throwing a banquet, and all these mismatched, messed-up people are invited. Here, have some wine" (Held, pg. 153). No matter what our background is, we are all invited to the Table and should all celebrate it as often as we meet. We are all invited to cooperate with grace, to accept this grace that is given to us and then go and show it to others; but first we must accept it.

Which brings me back to the Cooperation in Grace service I was a part of. This particular chapel service consisted of worship through music, confessions, anointing, Scripture reading, hand washing (in replace of foot washing), and finally communion. It was an incredible service and a reminder of how much we need God's grace. It did, however, make me wonder how great this would be if we regularly practiced receiving and giving grace. If instead of having one chapel service where we do multiple forms of cooperating with grace, what if we always cooperated with grace each time we gathered together. I wonder how much more fulfilling and grace-filled our lives would be if we made it a normal act to have communion through meals together with those we know, don't know, and even those we don't agree with. What would it look like to practice thanksgiving and grace in our lives today? 

Sometimes we're called to Stay.

Hey, do you want to cancel our trip to KC? It was going to be a one day trip anyways and for ten hours that is hardly worth it.  These are the words that I texted to a travel companion at the beginning of this January Term break. Not even a year ago I would have been shocked to hear that my future self would turn down a chance to visit this exciting city, but I simply felt that the trip was not worth it. I had previously planned this excursion to be a Wednesday-Saturday trip, but I then got offered a job interview in the area that would delay us from leaving. Due to this interview--which is very important to me and will affect my post-grad plans--we would only really be in Kansas City for one day which gave me a weird gut feeling. I just did not feel right about going on the trip and so through much inner dialogue I decided to cancel the trip and invest my weekend in this local area.

This area that two years ago I felt I should invest in more. That my summer in New Orleans taught me I should invest in. This area that I am applying for jobs in, which is not something that I ever expected I would do when I enrolled in college. Sometimes we are led to very surprising places. Sometimes God places desires on our hearts that had it been a year before we would completely miss out on. Recently I have been feeling more and more of a pull towards living in this area and doing ministry here. This is weird because I was one who always wanted to travel the world and see new places--which I still do--and yet I am not being drawn to move anywhere at this present time.

Last weekend my fiance and I decided to go on a drive without picking a destination. We drove into the dark night not knowing where we would end up and after half an hour we ended up going back to her apartment. Sometimes in life that is what happens: we dive into the unknown future and end up where we already were. Sometimes we need to realize there is a need where we are and not everyone needs to pick up and leave to some far off foreign place. Sometimes missionaries are called to both leave and stay depending on what stage they are in life. Right now I feel as if I should stop leaving and stay for a bit. We'll see where that leads us.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. 

My date with the Episcopal church

Have you ever met someone who you knew you had to get to know and date? The more you got to know them the more you knew that you had to be more than friends with this special person who just happened to come into your life. Slowly as time wore on you began developing many expectations for this person and what your dating life would be and by the time that you had your first date planned you had already picked out the name of your first born child with this person. Then that fateful day happens when you go on this long-awaited date and...it blows. Nothing met your expectations and you realized that you had fallen in love with the idea of this person, but not the actual living, breathing, person. Has this ever happened to you?

It happened to me, not with a person, but rather a church; the Episcopal church to be exact. 

My tale begins my sophomore year at the University when I first began to hear about the Episcopal church and their theology. The more I learned the more I found myself agreeing with and the more I wanted to learn. I began researching their theology and even attending one of their prayer walks for Good Friday during my junior year in college. I had yet to actually attend one of their Sunday morning services, but I was increasingly impressed with their theology and how missional they tended to be. I then discovered that they help start and fund the local homeless shelter which made me respect them even more. Around this time I had been introduced to other High Church settings through the Lutherans and Catholics and fell in love with liturgy. Eventually I felt it would be time to finally check out an Episcopal service.

I anxiously walked towards the door next to my lovely fiance. She smiled at me handing me a piece of gum with a joke of, 'this is for if she--the church--kisses you.' This was how I knew that she approved of this first date with this lovely church. As I sat in and participated with the community in the service I started to feel as if I was cheating on my home church that I attend when I am at school. Over time I realized that I was greatly enjoying the liturgy and the message, but something did not feel right. The service was great, but I did not feel like I was at home. I realized I had fallen in love with the theology of the Episcopal church, but I missed the excitement and lively music from my own evangelical church. I enjoyed myself, but my expectations were not completely made and I realized that this type of service did not draw me in and was more of an occasional when I need a break from routine type of service. I realized that I was drawn to more of an evangelical feel and that it was okay for me to be. I do not have to follow the trend of millennials and just leave a church that does not seem to have everything figured out, because there is no such thing as a perfect church. 

So attending the Episcopal church was a good and growing experience for me; it was one that I needed. It showed me how much I value the church I currently attend and it showed me that just because I love a churches theology does not mean that I need to attend that denomination or would like all of their polity or the way they do their services. This is what I needed for my growth in Faith.

Lord, I pray for unity among all denominations that we would be able to learn from each other and share what we have with one another. Let us all live in love.

That was the tale of my date with the Episcopal church. I look forward to serving alongside the Episcopal church as my years in ministry continue. 

Here's to finishing another journal!

As another year comes to a close I have finished yet another one of my many journals. I have written about my experiences, taken notes from lectures, prayed long drawn out prayers, and have often asked the question "why" this year. There have been so many places that I have journeyed to and a diverse amount of new experiences in this year of 2014. 

I began my year with a trip to Indianapolis, Kansas City, and Chicago. On this trip we explored many diverse cultures and ministries in both Christian and other religious contexts. We visited the Temple of the Reformed Church of the Ladder Day Saint, a Hindu Temple, the church Jacob's Well, a Hindu worship service we were invited to by a group we ran into at the Plaza, and many more places. I learned a lot about each culture we studied and examined how to best spread the gospel with each culture we analyzed. 

If this trip did not satisfy my wanderlust then the one in March certainly did at least for awhile. I journeyed with a small team to Cascade Pichon, Haiti to help build a school. Here I fell even more in love with development and working with other cultures. I got to see the beauty of all ages working together to build this place of learning and of a people working together to do their best with what they have. I learned about "dégagé" and creative lifestyles: it makes one want to strive to live simpler. In preparation for this trip I gave up social media in an effort to live more simply during the Lenten season and this mindset only continued after this trip. Haiti was life changing and was a trip my life had been building up to through my experience in Belize and then with my involvement in collecting shoes for Haiti for the past two years. This trip affirmed my love for cross cultural missions. 

After an amazing trip, much to my lovely girlfriends dismay, I ventured to Birmingham, Alabama and then New Orleans, Louisianna for an exciting and busy summer working for youthworks. This trip affirmed my calling into youth ministry and helped me gain experience working with nonprofits. During the summer I really began to value community and see the importance of longevity and intentionality. I grew incredibly close to my team this year which showed me how invested into people's lives I can get in such a short time period. I had experienced this last summer, but my team in NOLA really showed me what a team family can be like. 

Finally after 3 full months I returned to Ohio to see my lovely girlfriend and spend a few days volunteering at the camp that she works at. It was a nice transition from not seeing her and working 17 hour days. Returning to college and my dearest love, I had decided to focus on investing in the local community and giving back where I could. In order to do this I became a Student Mentor and Academic Peer Mentor at my university in order to invest into the lives of freshmen and those in my living area. If this did not keep me busy enough I decided to take on another job while striving to be actively involved with my local church--a small group of roughly 39-40 people who meet in a storefront. I became an Ambassador for YouthWorks which successfully fulfills my love of recruiting and allows me to stay connected with this organization which I have grown to love. Throughout my busy schedule I began learning a few French words when I would work in the cafeteria because my coworker is a native of Montreal and her first language was French.

In the midst of my busy schedule I was diving into my theology courses discussing Christian Holiness and Open theism. Through my theology course I realized that I believe in a cross between open theism and process theism. I was able to express my thoughts on open theism and God's foreknowledge through a paper that shares my belief that God fully knows the past, present, and is journeying into the many known and unknown possibilities of the future because God's very nature is love. This topic was one I had been thinking about all year. 2014 was a year of questioning and wrestling with God's nature and my own calling.

In the midst of all these findings I made one of the highest decisions of my life. I spontaneously proposed to my lovely girlfriend after the end of a fun weekend trip to Lexington, Kentucky. The rest of my year has been spent planning a wedding, reading theology, reading the life changing book "The Sparrow", learning to crotchet, traveling to both sets of families, and slowly becoming coffee experts with both automated and manual coffee makers. 

As this year has come to an end it is easy to reflect on the good and bad parts of this crazy and adventurous year. I have learned many new skills, have gained new ideas and I have learned more what it means to love others. This morning I received a huge affirmation that my calling is for Youth ministry when I student from Youth Works contacted me on facebook and asked me for advice on how to get HIS youth group on a missions trip. It was exactly what I needed to end this year on a good note. I have also started making hats and now one pair of mittens so I would say it's gonna be a good year. 

So here's to 2015! Here's to graduation, to getting married, to moving to a new town, to starting a new post-grad job, learning to make new clothes, and living a life of simplicity with my almost wife. Here's to a new year of adventures and love! Let us all love!

The Waiting Season

Waiting. Waiting is an element that is pervasive all throughout life. Every human being experiences some form of waiting. There is waiting for the weekend to end and finals to begin. Waiting for my wedding in August. Waiting to finish my current loom project. Waiting to find a job for after graduation. Waiting for the coming of Christ and the day the world will be renewed. There is so much waiting. As I have been sitting in my apartment since 2 A.M., listening to my "Folksy Christmas" Spotify playlist, and looming I cannot help, but think about the advent season that we are in. Advent is a beautiful time to reflect on this idea of waiting. Advent is a wonderful time during the Church calendar that can help us better anticipate the coming kingdom.

As I have been reflecting this evening I have been reminded that waiting does not mean being stagnant. Waiting is about anticipating and preparing for the outcome. I am preparing for finals through studying, planning my wedding by working out the necessary details, anticipating a future job by searching for one, and anticipating the coming of the Kingdom by working to bring about the Kingdom of Heaven on earth in the here and now. As I wait for the caffeine in my system to wear off so that I can sleep I have decided to read the lectionary readings for church tomorrow and reflect on them as I prepare for the second full week of Advent. The Gospel reading comes from Mark 1:1-8, which says,

 "The beginning of the good news of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. As it is written in the prophet Isaiah, “See, I am sending my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way; the voice of one crying out in the wilderness: ‘Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight,’” John the baptizer appearedin the wilderness, proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. And people from the whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem were going out to him, and were baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins. Now John was clothed with camel’s hair, with a leather belt around his waist, and he ate locusts and wild honey.  He proclaimed, “The one who is more powerful than I is coming after me; I am not worthy to stoop down and untie the thong of his sandals. I have baptized you with water; but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.”

The other readings (Epistle, Old Testament, and Psalm) go along excellently with this passage which is all about preparing and anticipating for the coming King. In Mark's retelling of this story, we see this radical homeless guy going around and declaring that the Lord is coming and we need to prepare. John is not just sitting around in some Synagogue, but instead he is out in the wilderness baptizing people with water and preparing the way for the coming King. How often do we do nothing when we are waiting? I think the good news of the Gospel this week is that we can do something while we wait. We are called to prepare the way and anticipate. We all can find ways to help usher in the Kingdom as we wait for the Age to Come. This can be done through helping out at your local homeless shelter, helping your elderly neighbor with their groceries, asking for forgiveness, shopping ethically for the holiday seasons, babysitting for those parents that never get a day for themselves, treating the cashiers at your favorite convenient stores with respect and love (as well as those who work at your least favorite stores), getting to know people with developmental disabilities, loving the hard to love and getting to know their stories, and so many more things. There is so much brokenness in this world which means there is so much more we can be doing as we anticipate the day when all things will be made into how they were intended to be. 

May we continue into this Advent season with an attitude of anticipation that is coupled with action.

Hope in the midst of darkness

Tonight I decided to join friends to view the Premier showing of The Hunger Games: Mockingjay part 1 and I was incredibly impressed with its accuracy to the book and its excellent portrayal of the terrors of violence and war. This particular book in the trilogy was always my favorite and I would easily say that this movie adaptation exceeded expectations. There are two particular scenes that really stood out to me in this movie and these scenes are not what people would expect because they were short interruptions into the overall theme. [SPOILER] The first scene took place in the middle of the movie when Gale tells Katniss that they were given permission to go above ground in District 13 to go hunting. In this scene they are preparing to shoot an animal and then notice that the creature had seen them and is not moving for it does not appear scared. Katniss points out that this animal is not scared of them because it had never been hunted before. They then decided not to kill the animal and walked down by the river to sit there feeling the wind on their skin and hearing the water flow below them. This scene was so simple and yet it showed humanity and goodness in the midst of the terrible war going on all around them. While everywhere was chaotic and seemed to have no silver lining, they were able to still value the innocence of this animal and take a few minutes to experience the beauty of nature. The other scene was when they were all taking shelter on the 40th floor of District 13 and Katniss was using a flashlight to play with Prim's cat while everyone watched and laughed. This scene resulted in a revelation for Katniss, but that is not what made me enjoy it. This scene showed once again that in the midst of trials, violence, and destruction the protagonists were able to find joy in a little game. They were able to bring about a few moments of goodness.

So often in our life we get so caught up in the injustices in this world. We see all those people who have been marginalized. We feel the pain that many have felt and gone through. It can be so easy to get caught up in the chaos of life that we miss out on the little events in life. We can miss the good and develop feelings of hopelessness, when in reality there is goodness and hope all around us we just have to find it. This brings to mind something I witnessed at church during the past two weeks. We have recently gained a few younger members to our small congregation of 40 and we have the blessing of worshiping alongside these children. For the past two weeks there was been a toddler who has walked into the middle of the aisle and started dancing to the music. This little boy has no embarrassments or inhibitions, but was simply celebrating through dance. This is something we often neglect because we get caught up in tradition and even the distractions of life, but this little boy brought that into perspective for us. This little boy reminded me of the good news of the gospel. This boy reminded me that is really is GOOD NEWS. This little boy brought goodness into our little church and brought smiles to all in this busy, chaotic world.

But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs" (Matt. 19.14. NRSV).