500 days of Realization

Have you ever watched a movie that revealed more to you than it was intended to? That it gave you a realization that you needed to hear. I recently watched the movie 500 days of summer and in its great plot and funny quirks it got me thinking about my past relationships. I always told myself I was "in love." With each girl too. I was so convinced each time, and yet when the going would get tough and things would get rough I would feel that I fell "out of love" and try to find some reason to end it. I always justify my reasons to with the thought "well the number one thing I worry about is finding the right person." But is that really the source of the problem? Or was I even in love to begin with? 

Don't get me wrong I believe in the act of dating its how you figure out what you like in another person...but how do you know when you love that other person? It's so easy to get those warm, fuzzy feelings and when you have them it only makes sense to say that wonderful and yet sometimes dreaded three worded phrase 'I love you.'

So I have realized that I have not loved those past relationships...not the way that I should love the person I will be with forever one day. I thought that I loved them, but love does not bail as soon as things get too hard. Love works together through it. Love is patient, kind, never gives up.

At the beginning of the summer I felt that I should daily read through 1 Corinthians 13 to help grow as a more loving person. Along with that it has also helped me realize what it means to truly love another woman of God. I need to stop living in an illusion of convincing myself I love girls. I need to really let myself fall in love with someone.

I am currently talking with a girl and I know that at any moment if  i wanted to date she would; yet I get so hesitant. I am afraid that she will be just like everyone else. That it will be another pattern that I'll fall into.

I do not want another pattern.
I need to get to know her more and if I feel she could be different strive for that difference. Work towards finding love in her; for her.

To find this love I need to never give up, keep studying the love chapter, and strive to live the way of love.

Lord please help me to live a life of love.

Questions and Activists

You seem to have all the right answers.
You say what I want to say without my searching.
Why is it that you are so hard to believe?

These are common questions that have been running through my head during this summer. It seems that I have started really liking this girl, but I do not want to rush things with her. I do not want to make the wrong decision and then end up unhappy. Why do choices have to be so hard? The worst part is...she lives so far away and until school starts I will not see her.  Why do these thoughts plague me? I wish I knew the answers  and knew what I need to do. I am striving daily to follow the Lord's will for today, but sometimes its hard. Sometimes I wish I knew the answers for the future now. So I need the Lord's help with being patient.

Another issue I have been dealing with this summer is my response to people that are not into the idea of social justice/activism. I am such an activist that it breaks my heart to hear people not be into social justice/missions and it makes me bitter and want to prove to them why they need to be into missions. That has happened most specifically with a woman at my school who so easily gets under my skin for that very reason. I know that I need to love her as Christ does and I strive to each day, I just wish that she would see we are all called to live lives of social justice. My daily prayer has been that the Lord would help me to live a life of reconciliation and accept that only God can change her and I just need to live my life as an example and not try to "prove to her" why Social Justice is the right way. So we'll see what happens. It wouldn't be so hard if it was not for the fact that she is from my district, I know her family, and she will be dating one of my good best friends.

 This is something I feel so many of us may face in life. Not necessarily in these specifics but we'll always have someone who gets under our skin and we'll want to show them we are right. But that is not what the Lord calls us to do. We are called to live humble lives striving more and more to be like Christ.

Busy yet Filled

Busy, busy, busy, and yet filled with so many thoughts and complications as I travel down this summer journey. I have been so busy and so much has happened that one could look back and be amazed. To have two attractive young ladies both into me, now that was not only impressive but put me into a hole. I do not want to live a life attracting multiple women, I want to find that special one. I want to pick her and be with her and treasure her above all the others. Because she is God's creation, a work of art, and I have chosen to be with her. That is what I want.

But we must not just focus on what I want. I must focus on the desires that the Lord gives me and work each and every day to follow them. It has become so easy for me to want to hope for what God wants for my future, but I need to ask God to reveal what He wants me to do today. I have been learning to cut back on trying to figure out what He wants for the future and focusing on the now. When ten years comes down the line I'll know what He wants me to do because I am present with Him in the presence.

I pray that the Lord will use me each and every day to do His will for the building of the Kingdom and that He will help me find a godly, compassionate, woman in His time and not mine own.

Summer, the time of Change.

Summer. Ah the turmoils and adventures of the three month period away from school. My life is rather busy with working at a daycare and being a Youth Intern and yet I manage to have time to read books. There is, however, a major flaw that this summer has done to me. I have been lacking in my spiritual development. Here, back home, it is so easy to blow of time with God that I valued and built up so much back at school. Why is that? Why is it that once Summer roles around, all that I built up starts to change?

I am constantly praying for God to use me, take me out of my comfort zone, and help me to grow. So why is it so hard for me to take time aside for Him? What am I missing? I pray that I will be used as Christs' hands and feet and will be able to be a servant of reconciliation.

Speaking of Reconciliation, my Youth Pastor raised a rather interesting question for me: Is there ever a time where Reconciliation should not be the answer to strive for? It is a rather hard question to tackle, but I have thought a while on it. I would say that in cases of spousal abuse and people who are just poisonous to you after awhile one should not strive for reconciliation, but should remove themselves from the situation. It pains me to say it, but sadly we live in a world filled with evil, sorrow, and hard hearts so there will be people who do not respond to God's wonderful gift of reconciliation through us.

What's a Christ-follower to do in such a broken and jaded world?

Keep on going, showing God's love, and never give up. "Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have confessed so well before many witnesses." Win the race with love, grace, faith, and peace.


What can you do to be a servant of peace and reconciliation?

Let us Love All

"Perhaps, instead of yelling at our brothers and sisters in Christ to change, instead of manipulating them into doing things the way we think they should be done, or wielding shame and intimidation as steely “spiritual” weapons, we should be praying Paul’s prayer: that we would ALL understand and experience all the good things we have in Christ, and that it would compel us to spiritual, material, and social generosity."- Jenny Rae Armstrong in her blog post "Oppressors, Activists, and Spiritual Stinginess: St. Paul’s Guide to Praying Better Prayers."


This was something I needed to read. As an upcoming Youth Minister activist, I get easily angered when someone neglects the poor. Or when someone makes statements such as "Republican's are the Christian way." or "Oh they said that because they're democrat." Using labels and titles to define people's actions. 


It is so easy to act like I am the "more godly one" and get angry at those ignorant statements. However, Armstrong clearly shows us how we need to work at loving even those people. God commands us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. It's the second greatest commandment.


It did not say "love your neighbors who agree with you." No, it said love everybody.


So if someone is a stubborn republican, love them,


If someone is a homosexual liberal love them.


If someone thinks that the government can take care of the poor, love them.


If someone is an atheist, love them.


If someone is an activist, love them,


If someone is a Christian, love them.


If someone is a human trafficker, love them.


If someone was human trafficked, love them.


The list goes on. No matter who they are, what label they are, what stereotype they are we are called to love them all. This I have been kindly reminded by in Armstrong's blog post, which can be found on redletterchristians.org.


It is through this love and prayer that change will be made. We cannot change people, but the power of God's love can.


Let's fill this world with an irresistible love that can only be explained through the teachings of Christ. 

Letting go and Getting Ready

We are coming to the end of another great adventure. The adventure of my freshmen year of college, and I can honestly say I do not want it to end. I know I have tons of awesome things in the summer and an amazing Sophomore year awaiting me, but I am not ready to let these memories and times go. There have been so many times that I will never forget from this year.

A first semester filled with finding friends, finding love, building those relationships, movie nights during open dorms, "How I Met Your Mother" marathons, Girl-Hating Parties, Bike rides and broken pedals, Bringin' Sexy Back, and so many more adventures.

To the winter month of January. The times of trying out shows, going to Indianapolis, endless amounts of time with the one I loved, Endless amounts of free time, the dreaded two classes that will have nothing to do with my major or future career, and crazy times of shenanigans.

Then to this semester that is coming to  a close. Spring. Life as a single man again. Adventures with One Way, late night Wal-Mart/Taco Bell runs, Adventures getting lost in Columbus, Learning Spiritual disciplines, New found friendships, A week in Orlando FL doing missions, The many friendships I made there, Bean dip, applying for Admissions...and not getting it, watching a movie I swore I never would, watching beautiful relationships prosper and fail, reading great books, and so many adventures.

I could not have asked for a better first year of college and I know the rest will hold many amazing adventures. I know the wait through summer with all that's going on will be fun and worth it, but I am not ready to say goodbye to this dorm. To these friends for three months. To anything. This is the one downfall to living six hours away.

This is a great time to just trust in the Lord. There will be other summers where I will not be spending them at home, but I promised to spend this one at home because I need money for school. I need to trust the Lord that He has a great plan for me. Lead me Lord. Direct me as I embark on this next chapter of the book.

Where am I now?

In this timeline we call life there are many acts of confusion that we go through. Sometimes we are not sure what direction one should take so we take a leap of faith. Sometimes that leap of faith works, yet other times it does not. What should one do in that tragedy of a leap? It would seem to be easiest to just talk to those involved and get away from the situation, but that could only hurt. I do not want to hurt anyone and yet I do not know how far I can go with this. I started with good intentions, but where am I now?